Tip/Wag - FAA, Casio Watches & Postal Service

  • Aired:  04/27/11
  •  | Views: 24,776

The FAA needs to put sleepy air traffic controllers in coach seats, Casio becomes the wristwatch of terrorists, and the postal service prints the wrong Lady Liberty. (3:55)

NATION, I KEEP MY OPINIONS TO

MYSELF.

[LAUGHTER]

FORTUNATELY MYSELFyMt( IS A HUGE

GOSSIP.

THIS IS TIP OF HAT, WAG OF THE

FINGER.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

♪ ♪

FOLKS, OUR AIRLINES ARE PLAGUED

WITH PROBLEMS AND NOW THERE'S A

NEW ONE.çó

>> WASHINGTON, D.C., KNOXVILLE,

SEATTLE'S BOEING FIELD, LUBBOCK,

TEXAS AND THE LATEST, RENO'S

AIRPORT HAVE HAD INCIDENTS OF

THE CONTROLLERS ON THE OVERNIGHT

SHIFT FALLING ASLEEP.

>> ANOTHER AIR TRAFFIC

CONTROLLER SUSPENDED FOR -- YOU

GOT IT -- SLEEPING ON THE JOB.

THAT'S SEVEN IN THE LAST COUPLE

OF WEEKS.

>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT,

FOLKS, THINK I WE OWE JOE BIDEN

AN APOLOGY.

HE MUST HAVE BEEN JUST BEEN

LANDING PLANES THE WHOLE TIME.

I'M WAGGING MY FINGER AT THE

F.A.A.

F.A.A. IF YOU EXPECT THE AIR

TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS TO STAY

AWAKE FOR EIGHT HOURS IN THE

MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT STARING AT

THIS BLINKING SCREEN, YOU NEED

TO PUT THEM IN AN ENVIRONMENT

WHERE IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO FALL

ASLEEP, A COACH SEAT.

TAKE AWAY THEIR LEG ROOM.

GIVE THEM A SEAT THAT WON'T

RECLINE.

PUT THEM NEAR THE BATHROOMS

BETWEEN THE LADY WHO WANTS TO

HELP THEM WITH THEIR CROSS WORD

AND A MOREIDLY OBESE GUY WHO

WON'T STOP TALKING ABOUT MODEL

TRAINS.

THROW IN A CRYING BABY, A

RATTLING CART AND A TEN-YEAR-OLD

PLAYING A VIDEO OF YES DEAR SIX

INCHES FROM THEIR FACE.

THEY'LL STAY AWAKE.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

[ APPLAUSE ]

NEXT UP D NEXT UP, NATIONAL

SECURITY IS ALWAYS AN ISSUE,

FOLKS, BUT ACCORDING TO

WIKILEAKS THERE'S A TICKING TIME

BOMB OUT THERE.

>> NEW AND REVEALING SECURITY

DOCUMENTS GIVE US A GLIMPSE OF

THE TERROR SUSPECTS HELD AT

GUANTANAMO BAY.

THEY SAY MANY WERE HELD ON

FLIMSY CHARGES.

TERRORISTS WERE SUPPOSED TO LOOK

FOR INDICATORS LIKE WEARING A

CASIO BRAND WATCH.

>> Stephen: YES, WEARING A

CASIO IS A SURE SIGN SOMEONE NO

LONGER CARES IF THEY LIVE OR

DIE.

AT LEAST 50 DETAINEES WERE

WEARING THEM WHEN THEY GOT TO

GITMO.

I'M SURE IT CAME IN HANDY

BECAUSE THEY ARE WATERPROOF.

I'M GIVING A TIP OF THE HAT FOR

CASIO FOR SCORING SUCH A SWEET

PRODUCT PLACEMENT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THIS IS A MARKETERS DREAM.

[LAUGHTER]

AL QAEDA HAS SOME OF THE

STRONGEST BRAND RECOGNITION ON

EARTH.

NOW WHEN ANYONE HEARS AL QAEDA

THEY'LL THINK OF CASIO THE WRIST

WATCH OF TERRORISTS.

BRAVO THIS IS THE BIGGEST

MARKETING COUPE SINCE SHRAO *ED

FRUIT OF THE LOOM SIGNED WITH

KHALID SHEIKH MOHAMMED.

THE LADY LIBERTY STAMP WAS A

SAFE CHOICE BUT IT TURNED OUT TO

ABOUT A GAMBLE.

>> IT WAS A REPLICA VERSION OF

THE NEW YORK NEW YORK CASINO IN

LAS VEGAS, NOT THE ORIGINAL FROM

ELLIS ISLAND.

>> Stephen: FINALLY SOMEONE IS

RECOGNIZING THE TRUE STATUE LADY

HAVINGAS.

NOT THAT OLD HAG FROM FRANCE

THAT STINKS OF IMMIGRANT.

THE POSTAL SERVICE LICENSED THE

PICTURE FROM THE PHOTOHOUSE

GETTY IMAGES WHO HAD IT LISTED

AS LADY LIBERTY.

I APPRECIATE THAT THE POST

OFFICE DIDN'T WASTE TAXPAYER

MONEY BEFORE PRINTING THREE

BILLION OF THEM.

POSTAL SERVICE KEEP UP THE GREAT

WORK.

I LOOK FORWARD TO YOURyM STAMPS

HONORIN

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