Stephen Colbert's End of the World of the Week - Doomsday Preppers

  • Aired:  04/18/12
  •  | Views: 14,949

National Geographic premieres a show about people obsessed with the imminent collapse of civilization, which hasn't been covered on TV in over a year. (4:44)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK.

NATION, I TRULY ADMIRE THE SCHOLARLY RESEARCH BEING DONE ON THE NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC CHANNEL.

ENDEAVORS LIKE "WICKED TUNA," "AMERICAN WEED" AND "WILD SEX."

>> THE WHITE WHALE IS ARMED WITH THE LARGEST PENIS RELATIVE TO BODY SIZE OF ALL WHALE.

THIS PRESEINE'LL LOVE TOOL IS OVER TWO AND A HALF FEET LONG.

>> Stephen: AND THAT'S IN COLD WATER.

(LAUGHTER) BUT, FOLKS, MY FAVORITE NAT GEO SHOW HAS TO BE THE NEW SERIES

"DOOMSDAY PREPERS." JIM?

>> 700 CANS.

>> 241 POUNDS OF CUCUMBERS.

WE HAVE ENOUGH FOR EVERY INDIVIDUAL IN THE HOUSE.

>> THIS IS THE LIFE-STYLE WE LIVE.

>> DOOMSDAY PREPPERS.

>> Stephen: YES, A SHOW ABOUT PEOPLE OBSESSED WITH THE IMMINENT COLLAPSE OF CIVILIZATION.

THERE HASN'T BEEN ANYTHING LIKE THAT ON T.V. IN OVER A YEAR.

(LAUGHTER) NOW...

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) MY... MY MAYAN VIEWERS WILL KNOW THAT THE WORLD WILL END THIS DECEMBER 21.

SO IF YOU WANT TO LIVE, PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO STEPHEN COLBERT'S END OF THE WORLD OF THE WEEK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) THOSE OF YOU OUT THERE WHO WISH TO HAVE A PLACE IN THE COMING

CRATER-SCAPE WILL NEED BEFRIEND A DOOMSDAY PREPPER.

SOMEONE WHO PLANS BY STOCKPILING FUEL, WATER, FOOD AND WEAPONS AND DEVELOPING SURVIVOR STRATEGIES.

THEY'RE PREPARED FOR THE END OF THE WORLD-- OR AT LEAST A WEEK WEDNESDAY TED NUGENT.

AND THEY ARE ALL READY FOR THE UNTHINKABLE.

AND THEY EACH UNTHINK IT WILL BE SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

>> I'M PREPARING FOR THE SECOND WORLDWIDE GREAT DEPRESSION.

>> I'M PREPARING FOR THE POSSIBILITY OF A DEVASTATING EARTHQUAKE IN THE CITY OF LOS ANGELES.

>> I'M PREPARING FOR A ELECTROMAGNETIC PULSE THAT WILL DISABLE THE TRANSPORTATION

SYSTEM OF THE UNITED STATES.

>> I'M PREPARING FOR THE YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK'S SUPERVOLCANO TO EXPLODE.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: DON'T THINK IT'S COMING?

YELLOWSTONE'S BEEN PRACTICE THYSING EVERY HOUR FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS.

(LAUGHTER) AND THOSE AREN'T THE ONLY THREATS TO A PREPPER.

>> AS A ENTREPRENEURPER, HE KNOWS AT ANY MOMENT THE UNEXPECTED CAN HAPPEN.

>> WHAT HAPPENED?

IT WAS ONE OF THOSE MALFUNCTIONS FROM THE BARREL AND IT WENT OFF.

>> Stephen: OH MY GOD.

HE ACCIDENTALLY BLEW HIM THUMB OFF.

NOW HOW WILL HE ACCIDENTALLY SHOOT OTHER THINGS?

(LAUGHTER) FOLKS, THESE PREPPERS ARE NOT JUST A BUNCH BUNCH OF GUN NUTS.

THEY'RE ALL KINDS OF NUTS.

>> SOME PEOPLE SAY OH, I JUST WANT TO HAVE GUNS AND, FRANKLY,

I THINK THAT'S PRETTY STUPID.

MARAUDING BANDS COME, I'LL SHOW THEM HOW MUCH FOOD I'VE GOT,

INVITE THEM SOME SORT OF FEAST AND CHARM THEM AND IF I DECIDE THEY CAN BE USEFUL AND

COOPERATIVE, GREAT, OTHERWISE I'LL POISON THEM OR CUT THEIR THROATS IN THEIR SLEEP ORING IN

SLYKE THAT.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

>> Stephen: YEAH.

AND REMEMBER IF YOU'RE A DOOMSDAY HIPPY PREPPER MURDERING YOUR GUESTS, SAVE THE SCROTUM,

THEY MAKE GREAT HACKKY SACKS.

(LAUGHTER) AND DOOMSDAY PREPERS HAS A PRACTICAL SIDE.

AT THE END OF EVERY PROFILE NAT GEO CALLS IN EXPERTS TO RATE THE PREPPERS' PREPPING.

>> THE REVIEW ESTIMATES YOUR BUGOUT VEHICLE HAS ONLY ENOUGH GAS TO TAKE YOU 300 MILES.

AT A MINIMUM, MEXICO IS 320 MILES FROM HOUSTON.

>> Stephen: VERY IMPORTANT.

IN THE RADIATION STREWN HELL SCAPE YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU HAVE GAS TO GET SOMEWHERE KNOWN

FOR SAFETY AND STABILITY.

(LAUGHTER) MEXICO.

NOW, THAT...

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) THAT, FOLKS (APPLAUSE) THIS HELPING PART OF THE

PREPPING, THAT'S MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT DOOMSDAY PREPERS.

HE'S NOT ONLY DOCUMENTING THIS BEHAVIOR, IT'S ENCOURAGING IT.

IMAGINE HOW MUCH COOLER "HOARDERS" WOULD BE IF INSTEAD OF TRYING TO CURE THEM THEY WENT

IN AND SAID "THESE STACKS OF NEWSPAPERS ARE GOOD BUT YOU'RE

MISSING SOME NEW YORK TIMES FROM 1977.

GET ON IT." (LAUGHTER) SO, FOLKS, I WANT YOU TO GO ON,

NAT GEO.

I'M LOOKING FOR FUTURE SEASONS OF DOOMSDAY PREPPERS.