Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day

  • Aired:  08/06/12
  •  | Views: 32,787

Chick-fil-A stumbles on a strategy to help struggling businesses: associate your product with a divisive political position and wait for the cash to roll in. (5:48)

COULD YOU HIT SOMETHING, LIKE A PLANET.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WELL, FOLKS THIS IS A TRY FUMP FOR -- TRIUMPH FOR AMERICA BUT THERE ARE TROUBLING STORIES OUT

THERE LIKE OUR ONGOING FRIED CHICKEN CRISIS.

THIS CONTROVERSY HAS PITTED BROTHER AGAINST LOWER CHOLESTEROL BROTHER.

IT'S LIKE THE CIVIL WAR IF YOU REPLACED SLAVERY WITH WAFFLE FRIDAYS.

FOR YEARS CHICK-FIL-A HAS DONATED MILLIONS TO ANTIGAY GROUPS LIKE THE FAMILY RESEARCH

COUNCIL, THE NATIONAL CHRISTIAN FOUNDATION AND EXODUS INTERNATIONAL BUT ALWAYS DENIED

THEY WERE ANTIGAY AND THEN TWO WEEKS AGO CHICK-FIL-A PRESIDENT CAME OUT OF TOLERANCE CLOSET AND

SAID, WELL, GUILTY AS CHARGED.

[ LAUGHTER ]

NO SURPRISE THERE.

DAN IS THE FARTHER THING FROM GAY.

EVEN HIS NAME IS BOY GIRL.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BOY GIRL.

[ LAUGHTER ]

OF COURSE, THE CHICKEN MAN'S CONFESSION RAN AFOWL.

[ LAUGHTER ]

OF ADVOCATATES FOR GAUGE WHO CALLED FOR A BOYCOTT OF CHICK-FIL-A.

[ LAUGHTER ]

ADVOCATES FOR GAY-ING WHO CALLED FOR A BOYCOTT OF CHICK-FIL-A.

INCOMING MISSILES FROM MARS UP THERE.

THAT'S WHEN FORMER ARKANSAS GOVERNOR AND WALKING FRIED FOOD MUSEUM MIKE HUCKABEE TOLD

CHRISTIANS TO FIGHT BANCH MIKE HUCKABEE CALLED ON FOLKS TO SHOW SUPPORT BY BUYING FOOD AT CHICK-FIL-A.

HE DUBBED IT CHICK-FIL-A APPRECIATION DAY.

THEY CONFIRMED REPORTS THAT YESTERDAY WAS A RECORD SETTING SALES DAY.

>> RECORD HISTORIC SALES.

PEOPLE STOOD IN TIME FOR LENGTHY TIMES A LOT OF STORES RAN OUT OF CHICKEN.

>> THE FOLKS HAD WRITTEN IT OFF AND CHICK-FIL-A HAD THE BEST DAY IN HISTORY.

>> OR AS CHICKENS REFER TO IT: THE WORST DAY IN HISTORY.

I THINK CHIG CHICK-FIL-A HAS ITEM STUMBLED ON A NEW STRATEGY TO HELP STRUGGLING BUSINESSES IN

THIS DOWN ECONOMY, ASSOCIATE YOUR PRODUCT WITH DIVISIVE POLITICAL POSITION AND WIT FOR

THE CASH TO ROLL N. HEY, LAZ BOY WHY NOT RUN ADS WHO SAY WHO KNOW WHO IS LAZY?

MEXICANS.

GET UPSET ABOUT IT.

THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

HERE SAY FREE ONE FOR PRINGLES.

ONCE YOU POP YOU CAN'T STOP REQUIRING WOMEN TO GET TRANSVAGINAL ULTRASOUNDS.

GET MAD.

GET MAD!

[ LAUGHTER ]

BUT, FOLKS,.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WE MUST NOT LOSE SIGHT OF WHAT THIS IS REALLY ABOUT OPPRESSION.

RIGHT SOME GUY.

>> LET YOUR VOICE BE HEARD.

STAND UP TO THE HATE AND INTIMIDATION AND REMEMBER THE BEST DEFENSE AGAINST

ANTICHRISTIAN ABT CHICKEN LEFT WING HETEROPHOBIC BIGOTS IS A CHICK-FIL-A SANDWICH.

>> YES, FOR TOO LONG NOT GAZE AND THEIR CHICKEN ALLIES HAVE BEEN DEMONIZED BY HETEROPHOBIC BIGOTS.

I HAD NOT HIDE ANY LONGER.

I DON'T CARE FIT COSTS ME ADVERTISERS.

NATION, I'M STRAIGHT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THERE I SAID IT.

I FEEL FREE AND GOOD.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE?

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE?

THOSE PEOPLE I LIVE WITH AREN'T MY ROOM MAITZ.

THEY ARE MY WIFE AND KID AND WE LOVE EACH OTHER.

I'LL ADMIT THERE WAS A TIME WHEN I HIT THE FACT THAT I WASN'T GAY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

OF COURSE, THE CLUES WERE ALWAYS THERE.

THE PLEATED KHAKIS, MY LOVE OF NICKLEBACK BUT TODAY I SAY GUILTY AS CHARGED.

I'M PROUD TO SHOUT WE'RE STRAIGHT, WE'RE GREAT, YOU'RE USED TO IT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BUT AS GOOD THIS IS FOR US CHICK-FIL-A-EVES AND CHICK-LAYERS, THE REAL WINNER IN

ALL OF THIS IS, OF COURSE,

JESUS.

JUST THINK HOW HAPPY HE IS.

HALF HUCKABEE CALLED FOR HIS EAT-IN CHURCHES BUSSED IN PARISHIONERS AND CONGREGATIONS

POSTED PHOTOS OF THEMSELVES HOLDING UP BAGS OF FRIED CHICKEN AT THE ALTAR.

AS A PRACTICE CHRISTIAN IN THIS MODERN FALLEN WORLD IT CAN BE HARD TO EXPLAIN WHY I STILL GO

TO CHURCH.

THAT'S WHY I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU MIKE HUCKABEE FOR CEMENTING

IN THE MIND OF NONBELIEVERS JUST WHAT MY RELIGION STANDS FOR,

JESUS THE ONLY SON OF GOD GAVE HIS LIFE TO REDEEM MANKIND BY SUFFERING TORTURE AND DEATH AND

THEN ROSE FROM THE DEAD IN FORGIVENESS OF OUR SINS, ASCEND TO HEAVEN AND SEATED FOR

ETERNITY AT THE RIGHT HAND OF THE FATHER IN FULFILLMENT OF THE SCRIPTURES, YOU KNOW, CHICKEN.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THAT'S WHY STARTING NOW -- FOLKS, THAT'S WHY STARTING HERE

AND NOW I'M REPLACING THE JESUS FISH ON MY CAR WITH SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE MEANINGFUL.

WE'LL BRIGHT BACK.

[CHE