The Word - Sink or Swim

  • Aired:  06/04/12
  •  | Views: 137,236

Scientists predict an economy-destroying, 39-inch sea level rise, but North Carolina drafts a law to make it eight inches. (5:22)

NATION,-- (LAUGHTER) NATION, NATION, THERE'S TROUBLING NEWS FROM THE SO-CALLED SCIENTISTS.

NOW THEY'RE SAYING IT THAT THE CO2 LEVELS IN THE AIR HAVE SURPASSED 400 PARTS PER

MILLION FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 800,000 YEARS.

WHEN WILLIE MAMMOTHS ROAMED THE EARTH IN ESCALADES.

(LAUGHTER) BUT FOLKS, I DON'T BUY IT.

FIRST OF ALL, WHAT DO WE MEAN 400 PARTS PER MILLION.

AIR'S ONLY GOT TWO PARTS.

THE BREATHEY PART AND THE PART THAT MAKES BALLOONS GO UP.

FOR THESE ALARMING CLIMATE NUMBERS HAVE LEAD INTERNATIONAL RESEARCH GROUPS TO PREDICT THAT IN

THE NEXT 100 YEARS SEA LEVELS WILL RISE BY APPROXIMATELY ONE METER.

WE HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH DEVASTATION THAT COULD CAUSE BECAUSE IT'S METRIC.

(LAUGHTER) BUT-- (APPLAUSE) WE DON'T KNOW.

NO WAY, THERE'S-- LITERALLY NO WAY OF KNOWING.

BUT THEORETICALLY IT COULD COST COASTAL COMMUNITIES BILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN

DAMAGE AND LOST DEVELOPMENT.

PLUS WHOSE'S GOING TO WANT TO WATCH MTV SPRING BREAK FROM GEORGIA.

NATION, THIS ISSUE IS NEAR AND DEAR TO MY HEART.

AND MORE IMPORTANTLY NEAR AND DEAR TO MY BEACH HOUSE IN SOUTH CAROLINA.

SO IT IS TIME TO TAKE DRASTIC ACTION AND THAT BRINGS US TO TONIGHT'S WORD.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) SINK OR SWIM.

FOLKS, NOW MI FROM THE PALMETTO STATE BUT SOUTH CAROLINA'S NEIGHBOR NORTH

CAROLINA IS ALSO WORRIED.

BECAUSE THEIR STATE APPOINTED COASTAL RESOURCES COMMISSION HAS PROJECTED A

39 INCH RISE IN SEA LEVEL BY THE YEAR 2100.

THAT WOULD DEVASTATE THE COASTAL REAL ESTATE MARKET.

AND FOLKS, IT WOULD BE A TRAGEDY TO LOSE PRECIOUS COASTAL WILDLIFE HABITATS TO FLOODING.

THOSE HABITATS SHOULD BE LOST TO DEVELOPERS BULLDOZERS.

NOW FOLKS, FORTUNATELY,

FORTUNATELY, FOLKS, NORTH CAROLINA REPUBLICANS HAVE DRAWN A LINE IN THE SOON TO BE UNDERWATER SAND.

THEY HAVE WRITTEN A NEW BILL THAT WOULD IMMEDIATELY ADDRESS THE CRISIS PREDICTED

BY THESE CLIMATE MODELS BY OUTLAWING THE CLIMATE MODELS.

HERE'S HOW IT WORKS.

HERE'S HOW IT WORKS.

THE LAW MAKES IT ILLEGAL FOR NORTH CAROLINA TO CONSIDER SCENARIOS OF ACCELERATING

RATES OF SEA LEVEL RISE DUE TO GLOBAL WARMING.

YOU SEE RIGHT NOW ALL THE SCIENTISTS SEA LEVEL PREDICTIONS LOOK LIKE THIS.

THAT HE'S STEEP CURVE,

THAT'S BAD.

THAT'S-- THAT IS PREDICTING THAT THINGS ARE GOING TO GET WORSE AND WORSE IN A

FEEDBACK LOOP THAT ACCELERATES.

NO POLITICIAN WANTS THAT.

SO TO FIX THAT PROBLEM, GOP LAWMAKERS WANT THE STATE TO CONSIDER ONLY THE SEA LEVEL

RISE OVER THE LAST 100 YEARS,

THEN PREDICT THAT'S WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN THE FUTURE.

THAT MAKES THAT SCARY CHART GET ALL BETTER.

NOW INSTEAD OF THE ECONOMY DESTROYING 39 INCH RISE, THE LAW MAKES IT A RISE OF ONLY 8 INCHES.

AND THAT IS SHRINKAGE MAKES SENSE BECAUSE THE WATER IS COLD.

(LAUGHTER) NOW FOLKS, I THINK THIS IS A BRILLIANT SOLUTION.

IF YOUR SCIENCE GIVES YOU A RESULT THAT YOU DON'T LIKE,

PASS A LAW SAYING THAT THE RESULT IS ILLEGAL.

PROBLEM SOLVED.

NOW IN FACT, I THINK WE SHOULD START APPLYING THIS METHOD TO EVEN MORE THINGS

THAT WE DON'T WANT TO HAPPEN.

FOR EXAMPLE O I DON'T WANT TO DIE.

BUT THE ACTUARY THAT MY INSURANCE COMPANY ARE CONVINCED THAT IT WILL HAPPEN SOMETIME IN THE NEXT

50 YEARS.

HOWEVER, IF WE CONSIDER ONLY HISTORICAL DATA, I'VE BEEN ALIVE MY ENTIRE LIFE.

THEREFORE I ALWAYS WILL BE.

(LAUGHTER) AND-- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) AND IF YOU EXTRAPOLATE MY LIFE FROM THE CRITICAL

PERIOD OF AGE 8 TO 18, I WILL GROW TO BE OVER 20 FEET TALL.

(LAUGHTER) SO I SAY BRAVO NORTH CAROLINA.

BY MAKING THIS BOLD ACTION ON CLIMATE CHANGE TODAY YOU'RE INSURANCING THAT WHEN

IT ACTUALLY COMES, YOU'LL HAVE PLENTY OF OPTIONS.

OR AT LEAST TWO.

AND THAT'S THE WORD.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)