America's Uninformed Opinion on Ukraine

  • Aired:  04/08/14
  •  | Views: 31,369

A study finds that the less Americans know about Ukraine's location, the more likely they are to support intervention. (3:40)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: THANK YOU, LADIES

AND GENTLEMEN!

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US!

(AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN")>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE

REPORT, EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOININGUS!

(AUDIENCE CHANTING)(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: NATION, IT'S BEENTHREE WEEKS

SINCE VLADIMIR PUTIN ANNEXEDCRIMEA AND PRESIDENT OBAMA STILL

REFUSES TO INTERVENE.

WE HAVE GOT TO INVADE BEFOREPUTIN'S SLAVE ARMY VANQUISHES

ALL OF EUROPE ON HIS WAY TOWESTOROS.

FULL DISCLOSURE -- I MAY HAVEBEEN FLIPPING BETWEEN FOX NEWS

AND "GAME OF THRONES" THE OTHERNIGHT, BUT I STILL SAY, PUTIN

HAS DRAGONS!

(LAUGHTER)IT'S BELIEVABLE.

NOW, YOU MAY SAY, STEPHEN,AMERICANS HAVE NO VESTED

INTEREST HERE BECAUSE, ACCORDINGTO A NEW "WASHINGTON POST" POLL,

ONLY "ONE OUT OF SIX AMERICANSCAN FIND UKRAINE ON A MAP,"

ALTHOUGH TWO FOUND WALDO.

BUT THE SAME EXACT POLL FOUND"THE LESS AMERICANS KNOW ABOUT

UKRAINE'S LOCATION, THE MORETHEY WANT THE U.S. TO

INTERVENE."

DAMN STRAIGHT!

THIS IS AMERICA!

WE DON'T NEED TO KNOW WHERE ACOUNTRY IS TO SEND TROOPS THERE.

YEAH!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)I MEAN, EVENTUALLY, YOU WANT TO

CHECK GOOGLE MAPS, BUT AFTER YOUGIVE THE ORDER.

BESIDES, WHY DON'T I KNOW WHERETHAT COUNTRY IS?

WHAT IS IT HIDING?

IN FACT, THERE ARE PLENTY OFPLACES I'D LIKE TO INVADE FOR

NOT KNOWING WHERE THEY ARE --PARAGUAY, UZBEKISTAN, WHEREVER

THE HELL MY KEYS ARE.

SEE, FOLKS, I BELIEVE INDEMOCRACY, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT

COMES TO GEOGRAPHY.

THE UKRAINE IS WHEREVER THEAMERICAN PEOPLE SAY IT IS.

AND ACCORDING TO THIS POLL,AMERICANS SAY IT'S EVERYWHERE --

(APPLAUSE)ALL THOSE DOTS ARE GUESSES WHERE

IT IS, OKAY?

EVIDENTLY, THERE'S SOME UKRAINEIN

GREENLAND, A BIT OF UKRAINE INAFRICA, THERE'S EVEN SOME

UKRAINE IN THE INDIAN OCEAN.

WHICH IS THE ONLY UKRAINE CNN ISWILLING TO COVER RIGHT NOW.

MOST ALARMING, THERE'S SOMEUKRAINE IN IOWA, WHICH MEANS

IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIMEBEFORE PUTIN INVADES AND THEN

WINS THE G.O.P. STRAW POLL --WITH DRAGONS!

(LAUGHTER)GOODBYE, PEN.

I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYBODY SAYS,YOU CANNOT TRUST MAPS.

THEY'RE ALWAYS CHANGING THEIRSTORY.

ONE DAY IT'S PANGEA, 300 MILLIONYEARS LATER IT'S SOMETHING ELSE.

C'MON!

MAKE UP YOUR MIND!

IS ALASKA UP "HERE"?

OR IS IT TUCKED UNDER ARIZONANEXT TO HAWAII?

(LAUGHTER)I WENT TO THE IDITAROD LAST YEAR

AND PACKED NOTHING BUT A SPEEDO.

SO, BRAVO, AMERICAN PEOPLE.

IT'S GREAT TO SEE THAT THE LESSYOU KNOW ABOUT THE UKRAINE

CRISIS, THE MORE YOU'RE WILLINGTO USE MILITARY FORCE.

SO I'LL DO MY PART AND GO BACKTO NOT COVERING IT.

(APPLAUSE)FOLKS, THE C.I.A. NO LONGER HAS

AN ENHANCED INTERROGATIONPROGRAM.

AND WE KNOW THAT BECAUSE WE'VEBEEN ASSURED OF IT BY THE PEOPLE

WHO SAID WE NEVER HAD ONE.

SOME PEOPLE STILL WHINE ABOUTIT, BUT LIKE A DETAINEE IN A

STRESS POSITION, THESE CRITICSDON'T HAVE A LEG TO STAND ON.

BECAUSE ENHANCED INTERROGATIONWORKED.

>> THE STEPS WE TOOK, INCLUDING,I THINK, THINGS LIKE ENHANCED

INTERROGATION TECHNIQUES, MADEIT POSSIBLE FOR US ULTIMATELY TO

PROVIDE THE INTELLIGENCE THATWAS REQUIRED TO TAKE DOWN BIN

LADEN.

>> IF YOU'RE GOING TO SAY THATWE SHOULD NOT HAVE CONDUCTED THE

ENHANCED INTERROGATION PROGRAM,YOU'VE GOT TO BE WILLING TO SAY

HOW MANY AMERICAN LIVES WOULDYOU HAVE BEEN WILLING TO PUT AT

RISK BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T WANT TOWATERBOARD KHALID SHEIKH

MOHAMMED.

>> ANYBODY WHO'S SEEN "OH DARKTHIRTY," KNOWS THAT THERE ARE

PRETTY GOOD ARGUMENTS THAT THOSEINTERROGATIONS GAVE US A LOT OF

INTELLIGENCE INFORMATION.

>> Stephen: THAT UNDERINFLATEDMACY'S BALLOON IS RIGHT.

(LAUGHTER)ANYONE WHO'S SEEN "OH DARK

THIRTY "-- AS NO ONE CALLS IT --KNOWS THAT TORTURE GAVE US A LOT

OF INTELLIGENCE INFORMATION THATLED DIRECTLY TO BIN LADEN.

THE SAME WAY ANYONE WHO'S SEEN"FORREST GUMP" SNOWS THE VIETNAM

WAR LED DIRECTLY TO BUBBA GUMP'SSHRIMP SHACK MAC AND CHEESE!

(LAUGHTER)LEARN YOUR HISTORY.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)BUT LAST WEEK NEWS LEAKED OF A

SENATE INTELLIGENCE COMMITTEEREPORT THAT IS HIGHLY CRITICAL

OF THE INTERROGATION PROGRAM.

ONE OFFICIAL SUMMARIZED THEREPORT, SAYING -- "THE C.I.A.

DESCRIBED ITS PROGRAM...

AS GETTING UNIQUE, OTHERWISEUNOBTAINABLE INTELLIGENCE THAT

HELPED DISRUPT TERRORIST PLOTSAND SAVE THOUSANDS OF LIVES...

WAS THAT ACTUALLY TRUE?

THE ANSWER IS NO ."

HOW MANY (BLEEP) DO I GIVE?

THE ANSWER IS NONE.

BECAUSE WE "DID" LEARN VALUABLEINFORMATION FROM THIS PROGRAM.

WE LEARNED THAT THE UNITEDSTATES IS WILLING TO TORTURE

PEOPLE.

I DID NOT KNOW THAT!

FORMER C.I.A. DIRECTOR ANDGROWNUP PARANOID CHARLIE BROWN,

MICHAEL HAYDEN DEFENDED THEPROGRAM ON FOX NEWS SUNDAY,

SAYING THAT TORTURE WASN'T JUSTABOUT GETTING THE FACTS.

>> THE REPORT SAYS THATINFORMATION ABOUT BIN LADEN'S

COURIER CAME FROM A DETAINEEWHILE HE WAS BEING QUESTIONED BY

KURDS IN NORTHERN IRAQ LONGBEFORE HE WAS TAKEN TO A CIA

PRISON AND GIVEN ENHANCEDINTERROGATION.

>> CHRIS, I AM AWARE THAT SIMPLYLEARNING A FACT IS NOT THE SAME

THING AS LEARNING THE IMPORTANCEOF THAT FACT.

>> Stephen: EXACTLY, THEC.I.A. MAY HAVE ALREADY KNOWN

THE NAME OF BIN LADEN'S COURIER,BUT THAT INFORMATION DIDN'T

SOUND IMPORTANT UNTIL IT WASBEING SCREAMED THROUGH A WET

RAG.

(LAUGHTER)POINT IS...

WHAT WAS THE POINT?

>> DIRECTOR PANETTA, WHEN ASKEDBY THE CONGRESS TO COMMENT ON

"DID THE INTERROGATION PROGRAMHELP WITH GETTING US TO

ABBOTABAD," SAID VERY CLEARLYTHAT THAT INFORMATION WAS PART

OF THE INFORMATION, PART OF THEINTELLIGENCE STREAM THAT LED TO

THE KILLING OF OSAMA BIN LADENAT ABBOTABAD.

DIRECTOR PANETTA WENT ON TO SAY,AND WE'LL NEVER KNOW WHETHER OR

NOT WE MAY HAVE GOTTEN THATINFORMATION THROUGH ANOTHER WAY,

BUT HE DID NOT DENY THATINFORMATION FROM THIS PROGRAM

HELPED PINPOINT BIN LADEN.

>> Stephen: YES, WE'LL NEVERKNOW WHETHER OR NOT WE MAY HAVE

GOTTEN THAT INFORMATION ANOTHERWAY.

OTHER THAN THE OTHER WAY WE KNOWWE GOT IT.

(LAUGHTER)(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

HUGE FANS OF INFORMATION HERETONIGHT.

(LAUGHTER)BUT WE DO KNOW THAT WE TORTURED

PEOPLE -- AND LATER WE GOTBIN LADEN.

THAT'S NOT ME SAYING IT.

THAT'S SCIENCE.

AND THAT MAD MAN OVER THERE.

OKAY?

BESIDES, IN THIS COMPLEX WORLD,WHO KNOWS WHAT LEADS TO

SOMETHING ELSE HAPPENING.

IT'S JUST LIKE HOW IF ABUTTERFLY FLAPS ITS WINGS IN THE

AMAZON, THAT MIGHT "ALSO" HAVELED TO BIN LADEN.

WE'LL NEVER KNOW UNTIL THEC.I.A. CAPTURES THAT BUTTERFLY

AND PULLS ITS WINGS OFF.

(LAUGHTER)BUT LOOK, I CAN AGREE WITH ME

ALL NIGHT.

THERE'S ONLY ONE SURE WAY TOCONFRONT THIS PAINFUL CHAPTER IN

OUR HISTORY -- NEVER CONFRONTIT.

I HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT WITH MYFRIENDS FOR YEARS.

>> WE NEED TO GET THIS BEHINDUS.

>> THIS IS ANCIENT HISTORY NOW,AND WE ADOPTED THIS PROGRAM AND

WE SHOULD NOW NOT BE GOING AFTEROR DISPARAGING THE PEOPLE THAT

CARRIED IT OUT.

(ELSA SINGING "LET IT GO" FROM"FROZEN")

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: WELL SAID, DANA

PERINO.

AT THIS POINT, THE WHOLE TORTUREDEBATE IS JUST WATER UNDER THE

BRIDGE AND UP THE NOSTRIL.

AND I GOTTA POINT SOMETHING OUT.

WHY IS IT THAT I AND THE OTHERPEOPLE WHO SUPPORTED ENHANCED

INTERROGATION ARE THE ONLY ONESWILLING TO GET PAST IT?

THIS HAS GOT TO BE A TWO-WAYSTREET.

SOME PEOPLE THOUGHT IT WASRIGHT, OTHERS THOUGHT IT WAS

WRONG.

LET'S MEET IN THE MIDDLE ANDNEVER DISCUSS IT AGAIN.

THIS IS ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIPAS A NATION.

AND IN A RELATIONSHIP, WHENSOMEONE DOES SOMETHING

SHAMEFUL -- SAY, CHEAT ON YOURSPOUSE OR CHAIN SOMEONE IN THE

BASEMENT OF A CZECH DISCO FORTHREE YEARS -- DO YOU KEEP

DREDGING IT UP?

NO!

YOU TAKE THE PAIN AND YOU STUFFIT DOWN DEEP, ACT LIKE

EVERYTHING'S FINE AND GET ONWITH YOUR LIVES.

THEN TEN YEARS LATER, A LITTLELEAGUE UMP MAKES A BAD CALL AND

YOU GO AT HIM WITH A PLANK FROMTHE BLEACHERS.

"YOU CALL THAT A STRIKE?!

"ARE YOU (BLEEP) BLIND?!

IT WAS ONE NIGHT ON A WORK TRIPAND IT MEANT NOTHING TO ME!

UNFREEZE YOUR HEART!"(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

POINT IS, WE'RE OVER IT.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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