Malice in Blunderland

  • Aired:  01/10/12
  •  | Views: 60,838

Conservative pundits criticize the Obama White House for throwing an extravagant Halloween party for the children of U.S. troops. (5:06)

EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

NATION, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

FOLKS, NATION, MORE ON NEW

HAMPSHIRE IN A MOMENT, BUT

FIRST, WE TURN TO THE SCANDAL

ENGULFING THE OBAMA WHITE HOUSE,

A NEW BOOK OMINOUSLY CALLED "THE

OBAMAS."

IT HAS REVEALED A SHOCKING

SECRET FROM 2009 THE PRESIDENT

DOES NOT WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT.

>> NEW CONTROVERSY OVER AN

"ALICE IN WONDERLAND"-THEMED

HALLOWEEN PARTY AT 1600

PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE.

>> JOHNNY DEPP WAS STANDING AT A

TABLE AT THIS PARTY GREETING

GUESTS DRESS AS THE MAD HATTER.

>> THEY'RE HAVING "ALICE IN

WONDERLAND" PARTIES O WHEN THE

UNEMPLOYMENT RATE IS 9.9% IN THE

COUNTRY.

>> THIS BIG, DECEDENT,

HOLLYWOODESQUE-TYPE HENRY VIII

BASH.

>> APPARENTLY THE PEOPLE AT THE

PARTY WERE DRINKING PUNCH OUT OF

BLOOD VILES.

>> IT WAS SO EXEXTRAVAGANT GANTT

THAT GUESTS DRANK FRUIT PUNCH

FROM BLOOD VILES.

>> Stephen: THIS PARTY WAS SO

EXTRAVAGANT THAT MANAGED TO

ANGER NOT ONE BUT TWO DOOCYS.

TWEEDLE DEE AND TWEEDLE DOOCE.

[APPLAUSE]

BUT WHY?

WHY, FOLKS?

I ASK YOU, WHY ARE THESE OBSCENE

DETAILS COMING TO LIGHT ONLY

NOW?

>> THE WHITE HOUSE WENT OUT OF

THE WAY TO COVER THIS UP, TO

KEEP THIS QUIET.

>> THEY COVERED IT ALL UP

BECAUSE OF THE PERCEPTION THAT

IT LOOKED LIKE THEY WERE HAVING

A GOOD OLD TIME AT TAXPAYERS'

EXPENSE.

>> HERE WE ARE WITH WHAT'S A

MINICOFFERUP, IF YOU WILL, SO TO

SPEAK.

>> YES, AN OLD-FASHIONED HUSH

JOB, IF YOU WERE, SO TO SPEAK

AND AS YOU WERE.

AND THIS MALICE IN BLUNDERLAND

CONTINUES TO DEAFEN.

OH, OH.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

TRADEMARK.

OH.

AND DID WHITE HOUSE SPOKESMAN

ERIC SCHULTZ CRANK UP THE SPIN

MACHINE, SAYING, "IF WE WANTED

THIS EVENT TO BE SECRET, WE

PROBABLY WOULDN'T HAVE INVITED

THE PRESS CORPSES TO COVER IT,

RELEASE PHOTOS ON FLICKR AND

RELEASE VIDEO ON THE WHITE HOUSE

WEB SITE.

WELL, THAT'S JUST HIDING IN

PLAIN SIGHT.

THAT'S THE OLDEST TRICK IN THE

BOOK.

OF COURSE, ALL OF THIS BEGS THE

OBVIOUS QUESTION.

>> IF WE DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THIS,

WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON IN THERE

THAT WE DON'T KNOW ABOUT?

>> THAT'S A LEGITIMATE QUESTION.

>> Stephen: YES, IT IS.

AND, FOLKS, I HAVE HEARD

DISTURBING RUMORS THAT EVERY

YEAR THEY HOLD A PAGAN DRUIDIC

TREE-LIGHTING CEREMONY, AND LAST

YEAR IT WAS HOSTED BY A

TRANSLEWIS -- TRANSLEWIS NT FIRE

GIANT.

DANGEROUS MAN.

BUT, FOLKS, ONE DETAIL OF THIS

HALLOWEEN PARTY THAT HAS ANGERED

ME EVEN MORE THAN THE FACT IT

WAS HELD FOR THE CHILDREN OF OUR

MILITARY IS THE FACT THAT THE

ORIGINAL CHEWBACCA MINGLED WITH

INVITED GUESTS.

WHAT THE HELL IS CHEWIE DOING IN

WONDERLAND?

CHEWBACCA, CHEWBACCA WOULD NEVER

SIP TEA OR PLAY CROQUET USING

FLAMINGOS AS MALLETS.

THAT IS SO NOT CANAAN.

HE IS A FEROCIOUS WOOKIEE

SMUGGLER WHO TRAVELS THE GALAXY,

NEVER LEAVING HAN SOLO'S SIDE

FOR THE LIFE DEBT WHEN HAN

REFUSED TO KILL CHEWIE AT

IMPERIAL COMMAND.

I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THE QUEEN OF

HEARTS TRY TO EXECUTION

CHEWBACCA WITH ONE SNAP OF THOSE

MIGHTY PAWS.

IT WOULD BE OFF WITH HER HEAD.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

PLUS, PLUS... PLUS WHEN WOULD HE

FIND TIME TO LEAVE HIS HOME

WORLD OF KASHYYYK.

TO JOIN THE MAD HADDER AT THE

WHITE HOUSE.

HE DOESN'T EVEN CELEBRATE

HALLOWEEN.

HE CELEBRATES LIFE DAY WITH HIS

FATHER ITCHY, HIS WIFE MALLA AND

HIS SON LUMPY.

EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT.

NO MATTER HOW MUCH GEORGE LUCAS

WANTS US TO FORGET 1978'S "THE

STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL.

" SO THESE PEOPLE KNOW THAT.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

[RECORD SCRATCHES PAWRNS

ALWAYS THERE.

SO... IF ANY OBAMA VOTERS ARE

STILL CLINGING TO THEIR SUPPORT

OF THIS MAN, CONSIDER THIS: YOUR

PRESIDENT USED HIS HOLLYWOOD

CONNECTIONS TO THROW A HALLOWEEN

PARTY FOR OUR TROOPS' KIDS AND

THEN TOLD US ABOUT IT.

AND IF THAT BEING A SCANDAL

DOESN'T MAKE SENSE TO YOU, LET

ME PUT IT IN MORE UNDERSTANDABLE

WORDS:

'TWAS BRILLIG, AND THE

SLITHY TOVES DID GYRE AND GIMBLE

IN THE WABE.

ALL MIMSY WERE THE BOROGOVES AND

THE MOME RATHS OUTGRABE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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