Vaginal Puppeteering vs. D**k Scrub

  • Aired:  07/25/11
  •  | Views: 159,822

Summer's Eve's ad campaign features talking vaginas, but Stephen wants to target men's deeply troubling genitals for a change. (5:47)

>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY

MUCH.

WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.

NATION, I'VE SAID IT MANY, MANY

TIMES, THERE IS NOTHING I LOVE

MORE THAN A GOOD COMMERCIAL.

I RECENTLY GOT THE BLU-RAY

EDITION OF THE CLASSIC GILLETTE

M3 POWER NITRO COMMERCIAL.

THE DIRECTOR'S CUT FEATURES TWO

ADDITIONAL SECONDS OF GLOWING

GREEN NITRO.

I THOUGHT WE'D REACHED THE

PINNACLE OF ADVERTISING

EXCELLENCE, BUT THANKS TO A NEW

SERIES OF ADS BY THE SUMMER'S

EVE CORPORATION, I NOW REALIZE I

WAS BEING A DOUCHE.

USUALLY WHEN A LADY AD COMES ON,

I RESPECT ITS PRIVACY BY FAST

FORWARDING THROUGH IT.

BUT THIS ONE REALLY SPOKE TO ME

IN THAT IT FEATURED A TALKING

VAGINA.

WARNING: WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO

SEE YOU CANNOT UNSEE.

JIM?

>> HELLO FROM VAGINA LAND.

I'M NOT ASKING FOR MUCH, JUST A

LITTLE ATTENTION IN THE SHOWER

WITH SOME Ph.D. BALANCEED

LOVE.

JUST A LITTLE LOVE FOR YOUR

VERTICAL SMILE.

>> Stephen: THIS IS AN AMAZING

AD.

AS I LOOK OUT AT MY AUDIENCE, I

SEE A LOT OF HORIZON FROWNS.

SOME PRODUCTS ARE HARD TO MARKET

AND SUMMER'S RECEIVE WENT ABOUT

IT IN THE MOST TASTEFUL WAY,

WITH VAGINAL PUPPETEERING.

[LAUGHTER]

AND THIS AD REALLY MAKES YOU

THINK THINGS LIKE, WOW, I NEVER

KNEW VAGINAS HAD NAILS.

NOW, NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE KNOW

THIS, BUT EVEN MINORITIES HAVE

VAGINAS.

IT'S TRUE.

BECAUSE ONE OF THE THINGS

DR. KING WAS FIGHTING FOR.

SO SUMMER'S EVE ALSO MADE AN AD

TARGETED AT AFRICAN AMERICANS.

>> SO WHY YOU BLOWING ME OFF?

SOAP, YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT

DRIES ME OUT AND IRRITATES MY

BIKINI LINE.

DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE ITCHY

DOWN HERE?

UH-HUH.

DIDN'T THINK SO.

HOW ABOUT SOME

DERMATOLOGIST-TESTED SUMMER'S

EVE CLEANSING WASH.

BAM, WE ARE SO LADY WOWZA.

SUMMER'S EVE CLEANSING WASH AND

CLOTH.

THAT'S RIGHT, BABY, HAIL TO THE

V.

>> Stephen: WOW.

THAT VAGINA REALLY HAD AN URBAN

FEEL.

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S EVEN MORE CONVINCING THAN

TYLER PERRY'S VAGINA.

AND THIS NEXT AD REACHES OUT TO

THE LATINA VA-GEENA.

>> AYE, AYE, AYE, ANOTHER

LAYOVER?

SHOW ME A LITTLE LOVE WITH

SUMMER'S EVE CLEANSE AND WASH.

THAT'S ALL I ASK, WELL, THAT AND

YOU TRASH THAT TACKY LEOPARD

THONG.

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

>> Stephen: GREAT AD.

[LAUGHTER]

ANY ONLY QUIBBLE, THIS IS

AMERICA.

OUR VAGINAS SPEAK ENGLISH.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

YES.

THESE ADS ARE EFFECTIVE.

THEY'RE REALLY GOING THE MOVE

SOME PRODUCTS BECAUSE AFTER YOU

VIEW THEM, YOU HAVE THAT

NOT-SO-FRESH FEELING.

FOLKS, I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU, I

AM REALLY WHAT THE... OH, MY

GOD, I HAVE A VAGINA!

I HAVE TWO VAGINAS.

QUICK, JIMMY, BLUR THEM.

THERE YOU GO.

WOW.

YOU KNOW WHAT, FOLKS, YOU KNOW

WHAT, I DON'T THINK THAT IT'S

FAIR THAT WOMEN HAVE THESE

COMMERCIALS MARKETED TO THEM,

TELLING THEM THAT THEIR BODIES

AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH THE WAY THEY

ARE.

THIS COMPLETELY IGNORES MEN AND

OUR DEEPLY TROUBLING GENITALS.

WHY AREN'T WE ENCOURAGED TO

PURCHASE PRODUCTS TO MAKE OUR

GROINS ACCEPTABLE IN POLITE

COMPANY?

WELL, THAT ENDS TONIGHT.

GENTLEMEN, POINT YOUR CROTCHES

AT THE TV BECAUSE THEY'RE ABOUT

TO GET EMPOWERED.

JIM?

>> HOWDY.

IT'S ME, YOUR BELOW-THE-BELT

BUDDY.

YOUR PANTS PAL, THE BOUNCER AT

BALL MOUNTAIN.

LISTEN, GUYS, WE NEED TO PAY

MORE ATTENTION TO ME.

97% OF THE TIME JUST ISN'T

ENOUGH.

I MEAN, LET'S BE HONEST, YOU'RE

ALWAYS BEATING UP ON ME.

WHY CAN'T WE BE FRIENDS?

YOU WASH YOUR HANDS AFTER YOU

TOUCH ME, WHY CAN'T YOU WASH ME?

INTROCUESING NEW AUTUMNAL

AFTERNOON PINE FRESH DICK SCRUB.

IN -- IT'S PINEWOODS FOR YOUR

PALMWOOD, OR FOR GUYS ON THE GO,

TRY AUTUMNAL AFTERNOON CUCUMBER

BALLS WITH REJUVENATING ALPHA

HYDROXY, IT WILL TAKE YEARS OFF

YOUR SCROTUM.

THAT'S ALL I'M ASKING.

I'M NOT SAYING TO BUY ME A

CASHMERE JOCK STRAP OR TO STOP

WHIPPING ME OUT ON THE SUBWAY.

I'M JUST SAYING LET'S LOOK NICE,

YOU KNOW, IN CASE WE HAVE

COMPANY COMING OVER.

>> HI THERE.

>> WHOA.

WHAT BODY PART ARE YOU SUPPOSED

TO BE?

>> A FOOT.

>> OH, OH.

AUTUMNAL AFTERNOON PINE FRESH

DICK SCRUB, HAIL TO THE D.

ALSO AVAILABLE IN SOUR CREAM AND

ONION AND MES SKEET CREAMY

CHILI.

>> Stephen: WE'LL BE RIGHT

BACK.

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