The Word - 1 Man Show

  • Aired:  07/25/12
  •  | Views: 12,616

The Report's credit-sucking vampires take a permanent break, and Stephen avoids sharing success with the wind. (3:15)

GOAL.

IT JUST MAKES THEM SO MEANINGLESS.

( LAUGHTER ) WELL, I'M GOING TO PROVE-- I AM GOING TO PROVE THAT I DO NOT

NEED ANYONE'S HELP.

FIRST, I DID NOT COME HERE TODAY BY PUBLIC ROAD.

I FLEW HERE IN A HOT AIR BALLOON WHICH I FANNED TOWARD MANHATTAN

SO I DON'T HAVE TO SHARE CREDIT WITH THE WIND.

AND, FOLKS, I AM GOING TO DO THE REST OF SHOULD SHOW ALONE, OKAY,

USING THIS DESK LAMP AND MY IPHONE, OKAY.

CREW, CREW, YOU'RE ON BREAK PERMANENTLY.

AMHAVE A YOU CREDIT VAMPIRES!

GET OUT OF HERE!

THERE WE GO.

PUT THAT UP THERE.

JIMMY, SHUT IT DOWN AND HILT THE ROAD.

>> YOU GOT IT.

>> Stephen: OKAY, HERE-- HERE WE GO.

HA!

HA!

ME!

ME!

( APPLAUSE ) THERE WE GO.

HOW'S THAT?

YEAH, THERE WE GO.

YEAH, THERE WE GO.

HA-HA!

I'M FREE!

STEPHEN COLBERT IS FLYING SOLO,

AND COMMANDO.

NATION, BARACK OBAMA CONTINUES TO ATTACK AMERICAN SUCCESS, BUT

THERE'S A WAY TO FIGHT BACK, AND IT BRINGS US TO TONIGHT'S WORD ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

ONE-MAN SHOW.

( LAUGHTER ) OKAY, NOW, NOW-- ( APPLAUSE ) FOLKS, I'VE ALWAYS SAID RELYING

ON OTHER PEOPLE IS OVERRATED.

( APPLAUSE ) ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ).

>> Stephen: THE POINT IS,

ANYONE, ANYONE WHO ACCEPTS HELP FROM OTHERS FOR ANYTHING IS NOTHING BUT A PARASITE.

>> DON'T WORRY, STEPHEN, I KNOW THE HEIMLICH.

( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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