Tip/Wag - Google Glass, "The Lone Ranger" & 3D Printed Food

  • Aired:  06/04/13
  •  | Views: 30,814

Google bans pornography on its futuristic glasses, Disney creates a gritty Western reboot, and 3D printers bake pizzas. (6:44)

>> Stephen: NATION, NOBODY

LIKES A KNOW IT ALL AND I

SHOULD KNOW BECAUSE I KNOW

ALL OF IT.

THIS IS TIP OF THE HAT, WAG

OF THE FINGER.

FOLKS, I AM A FAMOUS PERSON

WHO I'M SURE GOOG SELL GOING

TO SEND ME THOSE GOOGLE

GLASS GLASSES BUT FOLKS I'M

NOT SURE IF I EVEN WANT THEM

NOW.

>> GOOGLE BANNING PORN ON

ITS FUTURISTIC GLASSES.

>> GOOGLE SAYS PORNOGRAPHY

WILL NOT BE ALLOWED IN ITS

NEW GOOGLE GLASS COMPUTER

EYEGLASSES.

THE TECH GIANT MADE THE MOVE

YESTERDAY AFTER A PORN

COMPANY ANNOUNCED A NEW

ADULT APP.

>> SO A WAG OF MY FINGER AT

GOOGLE GLASS FOR BANNING

PORN.

NOW THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN SEE

PORN ON GOOGLE IS BY TYPING

PORN INTO GOOGLE.

(LAUGHTER)

OR, OR REALLY ANYTHING INTO

GOOGLE.

IT'S JUST NOT GOOD BUSINESS.

I MEAN GOOGLE IS MAKING A

CAR THAT CAN DRIVE ITSELF.

WHY HAVE A CAR YOU DON'T

NEED TO STEER IF YOU CAN'T

WATCH PORN WHILE IT DRIVES

YOU TO CHURCH.

NOW WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO

DO WITH YOUR HANDS IN THERE.

I'M TELLING YOU, I AM

TELLING YOU, THOSE HEATED

LEATHER SEATS ARE JUST A

TEASE.

NEXT UP ON THE-- I LOVE

WESTERNS, THE CLASSIC

AMERICAN GENRE WHICH IS WHY

I'M GIVING A WAG OF MY

FINGER AT THE LONE RANGER.

JIMMY, GIVE THEM A GOOD

TASTE OF THE BAD UGLY.

>> THERE WERE RUMORS THAT

SUSTAINED US, STORIES OF A

MAN, A MASKED MAN.

A LONE RANGER.

>> Stephen: YES, THE LONE

RANGER FACING OFF AGAINST

HIS NEWEST THREAT, A BULLET

GENTLY LOBBED AT HIM BY A

CHILD.

(LAUGHTER)

I'M SORRY, I AM SORRY BUT I

CANNOT GET BEHIND THIS

GRITTY NEW REBOOT.

I'M AN ORIGINALIST AND I

BELIEVE THE LONE RANGER

SHOULD BE A CLEAN CUT

GENTLEMAN WITH A PERFECTLY

CRISP LACE UP SHIRT BECAUSE

BACK IN MY DAY OUTLAWS KNEW

NOT TO [BLEEP] WITH A GUY

WEARING A NECKERCHIEF.

>> WHOOO!

(APPLAUSE)

TO MAKE THINGS WORSE N THE

ENTIRE TRAILER NOT ONCE DOES

THE LONE RANGER SAY HIS

FAMOUS CATCH PHRASE HI HO

SILVER.

EVEN IN THE SCENE WHERE HE

IS SAYING I HAD TO A HO WHO

IS HOLDING SILVER!

(APPLAUSE)

COME ON!

BUT WHAT REALLY ASSES MY

CHAFF IS THAT THE LONE

RANGER ISN'T EVEN THE STAR.

>> FROM THE GREAT BEYOND, A

VISION TOLD ME GREAT WARRIOR

WOULD HELP ME ON MY QUEST.

>> Stephen: WAIT, HIS QUEST,

TONTO'S QUEST?

TONTO IS NOT THE HERO, TONTO

IS THE SIDE KICK.

TONTO IS SO INCONSEQUENCE

THAT HE'S BEEN PARTNERS WITH

THIS GUY SINCE 1949 AND

PEOPLE STILL CALL HIM THE

LONE RANGER.

(LAUGHTER)

COME ON!

(APPLAUSE)

I'M ANGRY, I'M ANGRY!

AND LOOK AT THIS INJUSTICE

WHICH IS SURELY THE GREATEST

EVER TO TRANSPIRE BETWEEN A

WHITE PERSON AND A NATIVE

AMERICAN.

>> PEOPLE THINK ARE YOU

DEAD.

BETTER TO STAY THAT WAY.

>> YOU ONLY WEAR A MASK.

>> OH, GREAT IDEA.

TAKE ADVICE ON CASUAL

ACCESSORIES FROM THE GUY

WITH THE DEAD CROW ON HIS

HEAD.

(LAUGHTER)

FINALLY FOLKS, I PRIZE

MYSELF ON ALWAYS BEING UP ON

THE LATEST INNOVATIONS.

WELL, GET READY BECAUSE THE

FUTURE IS NOW.

>> SEEMS THOSE NEW 3-D

PRINTERS COULD SOON BE

PRINTING YOUR DINNER.

NASA IS NOW FUNDING RESEARCH

INTO 3-D PRINTED FOOD.

ONE RESEARCHER IS USING THAT

GRANT MONEY TO PRINT PIZZAS.

>> Stephen: FANTASTIC!

INSTANT PRINTED PIZZA AT THE

TOUCH OF A BUTTON.

UNLIKE DOMINOES WHERE YOU

HAVE TO WAIT FOR 30 MINUTES

AND THE PIZZA ONLY TASTES

LIKE IT CAME OUT OF A

PRINTER.

(LAUGHTER)

SO A TIP OF MY HAT TO 3-D

PRINTED FOOD.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

DELICIOUS!

FOLKS, HERE IS HOW YOUR MEAL

WILL BE EXTRUDED.

THE PRINTER FIRST PRINTS A

LAYER OF DOE WHICH IS BAKED

AT THE SAME TIME IT IS

PRINTED.

THEN IT LAYS DOWN A TOMATO

BASE WHICH IS ALSO STORED IN

A POWDERED FORM AND THEN

MIXED WITH WATER AND OIL.

FINALLY THE PIZZA IS TOPPED

WITH A PROTEIN LAYER.

HMMMM.

A PROTEIN LAYER.

MAN, MY MOUTH IS ALREADY

FILLING WITH A SALIVA LAYER.

PLUS, PLUS HOPEFULLY WE CAN

COMBINE OUR 3-D PRINTED FOOD

WITH OUR 3-D PRINTED GUNS.

AND MAKE A RIFLE THAT FIRES

PIZZA ROLLS RIGHT INTO MY

FOOD HOLE.

(APPLAUSE)

NOW ACCORDING TO THE FOOD

PRINTER'S CREATOR, THE

TECHNOLOGY WOULD BE THE END

OF FOOD WASTE BECAUSE THE

POWDER THIS SYSTEM USES IS

SHELF STABLE FOR UP TO 30

YEARS.

BUT REMEMBER, IT'S VERY

IMPORTANT, AFTER 30 YEARS

AND ONE DAY, IT TASTES

TERRIBLE.

(LAUGHTER)

THE ONLY DOWNSIDE IF THERE'S

SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR

DINNER YOU CAN'T COMPLAIN TO

THE WAITER, YOU HAVE TO TALK

TO ALEX FROM IT WHO IS JUST

GOING TO ROLL HIS EYES AND

ASK IF YOU TRY TURNING YOUR

PERSON OMELET OFF AND ON BUT

OBVIOUSLY YOU'VE ALREADY

TRIED THAT.

THE PROBLEM IS THE RED

PEPPERS AREN'T COMPATIBLE

WITH WINDOWS XP.

DO I LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT?

THE POINT IS, FOLKS, NASA

PRINTING PIZZAS IN ORBIT IS

THE KIND OF INNOVATION THAT

SHOULD MAKE EVERY AMERICAN

PROUD.

BECAUSE WHILE WE'RE DOING

THAT, AFRICANS CONDITION

EVEN GET A LOAF OF BREAD.

IT'S THE ULTIMATE POWER

MOVE.

HEY, SOMALIA, DON'T EAT ALL

THAT DIRT IN ONE SITTING.

NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE US, WE

GOT TO LAUNCH A CAKE INTO

THE SUN.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(APPLAUSE)

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