Countdown to Loving Mitt - Super Tuesday

  • Aired:  03/05/12
  •  | Views: 12,613

From a purely mathematical standpoint, conservatives will eventually yield to the inevitability of Mitt Romney after Super Tuesday. (2:29)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE "REPORT," EVERYBODY, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

(AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN") Captioning sponsored by

COMEDY CENTRAL CHAUDZ.

>> Stephen: OH, YOU CAN FEEL IT!

YOU CAN FEEL IT, YOU ABSOLUTELY CANT.

FOLKS, THERE'S AN EXCITEMENT IN THE AIR.

TOMORROW IS SUPER TUESDAY WHEN TEN STATES HOLD THEIR PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES AND THE

"REPORT" WILL BE YOUR COMPLETE SOURCE FOR WALL-TO-WALL SUPER

TUESDAY COVERAGE THAT I TAPED BEFORE THE POLLS CLOSE, EDIT DOWN TO A HALF HOUR AND AIR AT 11:30.

(LAUGHTER) BUT WE WILL HAVE THE MOST UP-TO-THE-MINUTE GUESSTIMATES AND...

(LAUGHTER) ... INFORMATIVE MAKE 'EM UPS.

(LAUGHTER) OF COURSE, I'LL BE JOINED BY THE WHOLE "THE COLBERT REPORT"

ELECTION TEAM.

ME...

(LAUGHTER) NOT TO BE OUTDONE BY CNN, I WILL BE SURROUNDED BY EIGHT LAPTOPS.

(LAUGHTER) FOLKS I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT I ALSO DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME.

BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S GOING TO BE MITT ROMNEY'S NIGHT.

HE HAS STRONG LEADS IN MASSACHUSETTS, VERMONT, VIRGINIA AND IDAHO.

NO SURPRISE, IT'S THE POTATO STATE AND MITT IS NOTHING IF NOT PALE AND STARCHY.

(LAUGHTER) AND, FOLKS, IT'S NOT LOOKING GOOD FOR MITT IN GEORGIA,

TENNESSEE, AND OHIO AND THERE ARE ALSO THREE PRIMARIES IN STATES I CAN'T REMEMBER BUT IF

ANY OF THE CANDIDATES CAN REMEMBER, THAT WOULD GIVE THEM A HUGE ADVANTAGE.

(LAUGHTER) THE POINT IS, FROM A PURELY MATHEMATICAL STANDPOINT, I AND MY FELLOW CONSERVATIVES WILL

EVENTUALLY YIELD TO THE INEVITABILITY OF MITT ROMNEY.

SO, JIMMY, LET'S PUT DOWN THE "COUNTDOWN TO LOVING MITT" CLOCK UP.

HOW LONG HAVE I GOT?

OH, GOD.

(LAUGHTER) 23:58.

I CAN'T BREATHE.

JIMMY, TAKE IT DOWN!

TAKE IT DOWN!

(LAUGHS) IT'S JUST BAD