HealthCare.gov's Missing Woman

  • Aired:  10/28/13
  •  | Views: 39,865

Stephen laments the loss of the vaguely ethnic smiling woman on the home page of HealthCare.gov. (3:03)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> Stephen: BOO, BOO.

(AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN")OH, I LOVE IT!

WELCOME TO "THE REPORT."

GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

ALL RIGHT, FOLKS.

FOLKS, I'VE GOT TO SAY --(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I CANNOT THANK YOU ENOUGH.

YOU KNOW, AS I SIT HERE --(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

FOLKS, AS I SIT AT MY DESK NIGHTAFTER NIGHT, YOU KNOW IT'S NOT

EASY TO DO THIS JOB.

AND I WANT TO THANK YOU.

YOUR ATTEMPT TO LIFT MY SPIRITSARE APPRECIATED BUT IN VAIN.

(LAUGHTER)I'M JUST TOO ANGRY.

I MEAN, MAYBE IF YOU SHOUTED "ILOVE YOU STEVEN."

(AUDIENCE COMPLIES.

) I DON'T KNOW.

(LAUGHTER)MAYBE IF YOU WHISPERED IT.

(AUDIENCE COMPLIES)(LAUGHTER)

FOLKS, BUT NO, NO, I'M JUST --I'M JUST TOO MAD ABOUT

OBAMACARE, FOLKS.

(LAUGHTER)YOU SEE, THE ROLLOUT HAS BEEN

ONE DISASTER AFTER THE NEXT.

ACTUALLY, YOU CAN'T EVEN GET TOTHE NEXT DISASTER, YOU GET AN

ERROR PAGE THAT SAYS 404:DISASTER NOT FOUND.

(LAUGHTER)WELL, FOLKS, TODAY THE

healthcare.gov WEB SITE HASSUNK TO NEW DOT-LOWS.

JIM?

>> WE'VE ALL BECOME FAMILIARWITH THIS SMILING WOMAN WHO HAS

GRACED THE FRONT OF THE HEALTHCARE WEB SITE SINCE ITS LAUNCH.

WELL, CHECK THIS OUT, SHE'SGONE.

>> SHE'S NOW BEEN REPLACEDSCREEN RIGHT WITH SOME HANDY

ICONS SHOWING YOU THE DIFFERENTWAYS YOU CAN SIGN UP.

NO WORD ON WHY THE CHANGE.

>> Stephen: I'LL TELL YOU WHYTHE CHANGE-- DEATH PANELS GOT

HER.

(LAUGHTER)PROVE ME WRONG, OBAMA!

FOLKS, THIS AFFECTS ME VERYDEEPLY.

OVER THE PAST MONTH, OBAMACARELADY AND I GREW VERY CLOSE.

(LAUGHTER)I MEAN, WE HAD AN INSTANT

CONNECTION UNTIL IT DISCONNECTEDME.

(LAUGHTER)STILL, WE SPENT A LOT OF TIME

TOGETHER LOADING AND BUFFERINGAND REFRESHING.

I SHARED MORE WITH HER THAN IEVER HAVE WITH A PICTURE OF A

WOMAN.

(LAUGHTER)MY FULL NAME, MY YEARLY INCOME,

APARTMENT AND/OR SUITE NUMBER, IEVEN TOLD HER THAT I'M NOT

PREGNANT.

(LAUGHTER)THAT I KNOW OF.

(LAUGHTER)I'VE SEARCHED EVERYWHERE ON THE

INTERNET FOR HER, ALL ACROSS THEHEALTH CARE SITES, OVER AT THE

WHITE HOUSE SITE.

I EVEN DID A STOCK PHOTO SEARCHFOR "VAGUELY ETHNIC SMILING

WOMAN."

(LAUGHTER)NOTHING.

MAYBE THOSE LAUGHING SALADLADIES KNOW SOMETHING.

(LAUGHTER)WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?

(LAUGHTER)HOW CAN YOU EAT AT A TIME LIKE

THIS?

(LAUGHTER)WE HAVE TO FIND HER, NATION.

AND I HAVE MADE A COMPOSITESKETCH, OKAY?

IF ANYONE SEE THIS IS WOMAN --(LAUGHTER).

PLEASE, PLEASE

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