The Enemy Within - Dr. Skylar Bayer

  • Aired:  03/04/13
  •  | Views: 51,813

A lonely lady scientist studies the reproductive success of Maine scallops by cutting off their balls. (7:16)

RESEMBLANCE TO ADMIRAL ACKBAR.

[LAUGHTER]

NATION, YOU KNOW IT'S MY SACRED DUTY TO PROTECT YOU FROM THOSE WHO WOULD DESTROY OUR WAY OF LIFE.

THAT WAY OF LIFE?

YOU WATCHING TV LIKE YOU'RE ABOUT TO DO MORE OF RIGHT NOW.

[LAUGHTER]

JIM?

THERE ARE THOSE AMONG US INTENT ON CHALLENGING OUR MOST SACRED BELIEFS NO MATTER WHAT THE COST.

WE CALL THEM SCIENTISTS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> IT'S ALIVE!

>> Stephen: SCIENTISTS LIKE DOCTOR SKYLARBEHR, Ph.D.

>> I'M A SCIENTIST THOUGH I DON'T HAVE MY Ph.D YET.

>> Stephen: SHE'S THE ENEMY WITHIN.

♪ ♪ HERE ON MAINE'S MOUNT DESERT ISLAND IN THE VILLAGE OF THUMBSVILLE LIFE ON THE COAST

HAS ALWAYS BEEN AS GOD INTENDED.

>> TIDE GOES IN, TIDE GOODS OUT.

NEVER A MISCOMMUNICATION.

>> Stephen: UNTIL THE TODAY AN HOSK YOUR MISCOMMUNICATION AT THE LOCAL RED STOP LEFT

DEVELOPPAGES CRYING.

>> WHO HAS THE SCALLOP GUTS.

>> Stephen: WAS IT ALL PART OF THE DOCTOR'S PLAN TO DESTROY THE HUMAN PLACE?

>> I AM NOT TRYING TO DESTROY THE HUMAN RACE.

>> Stephen: OH, NO?

NOVEMBER 26, 2012.

PROFESSOR GAIL GARWAIT WAS RETURNING HOME WHEN SHE HAD A SHOCKING REALIZATION.

>> HAVING SKIPPED LUNCH I WAS NOT GOING TO MAKE IT ALL THE WAY TO SUMMERTIME.

>> Stephen: IT WAS THEN THAT SHE SAW THE THUMBSVILLE ONE STOP.

>> HOPPED OUT OF CAR, WALKED AROUND ONCE FOUND A BAG OF SMARTFOOD POPCORN.

>> Stephen: SHE DOESN'T KNOW SHE WAS NOT ALONE.

THIS SAY LEGAL SCALLOP DIVER WITH A PARTICULAR SET OF SKILLS.

>> IF YOU CRASH YOUR CAR DRUNK AND YOU NEED SOMEBODY TO HELP YOU HIDE IT AND EVERYTHING, CAN

I DO THAT ON A MINUTE'S NOTICE.

>> Stephen: GOOD TO KNOW BUT WHY WAS ANDY MAZE AT THE THUMBSVILLE ONE STOP THAT DAY

AND WHY WAS HE SO DESPERATE?

>> I SHOW UP IN A INCLUDED OF DUST, CIRCUMSTANCING AROUND IN A PANIC TRYING TO FIND SCAR THROAT

GET RID OF THE BUCKETS OF SCALLOP GUTS.

>> Stephen: IT SEEMS TO DOCTOR SKYLAR ARRANGED A COVERT DELIVERY THAT WOULD GO TERRIBLY WRONG.

>> BY THE TIME I SAW ANDY HE HAD DRIVEN ACROSS THE STREET.

>> I WENT OUT AND SAID DID YOU WRING THE SCALLOPS WITH YOU.

>> I SAID I PUT THEM IN YOUR CAR.

>> I WAS LIKE IT WASN'T MY CAR.

THE CAR WAS GONE.

>> GONE.

>> Stephen: IT WAS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME MILLION IS SOMEONE WOULD UNCOVER THE SECRET.

>> I SAID DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, THIS KIND OF (bleep) HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE TIME.

>> MAYBE WE'LL MAKE A NEW FRIEND AFTER THIS, TOO.

AND I -- AH.

>> Stephen: MEANWHILE, GAIL WAS ABOUT TO MAKE A GRIEWSSOME DISCOVERY.

>> I SEE THE WHITE TUBS IN THE BACK OF THE CAR.

WHAT THE HECK.

I PEER IN AND SEAT WORDS FORM MALD HIDE -- FORMALDEHYDE.

>> IT'S WHAT THEY PUT INTO THE DEAD PEOPLE.

>> Stephen: IT WAS MURDER.

>> ALSO USED TO PRESERVE.

>> Stephen: SO IT WAS SCIENCE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THE SITUATION WAS DETEAROR YAIGHT RAPIDLY.

IT WAS TIME FOR THE AUTHORITIES TO STEP IN.

POLICE CHIEF JAMES WILLIS FILED THE REPORT.

>> NO, WE DON'T DO ANY --

>> Stephen: WHAT ABOUT THE INVESTIGATION?

>> I WASN'T A CASE.

IT WAS A LOT OF AND FOUND.

WE PASSED INFORMATION ALONG.

THERE WAS NOTHING FOR POLICEMEN TO DO.

>> Stephen: WITH THE PRESS AT A DEAD END GAIL TOOK MATTERS INTO HER OWN HANDS.

>> I WAS CHECKING FACEBOOK AND TWO OF MY FRIENDS ON FACEBOOK POSTED THIS WEIRD STORY ANDED IT

SAID WHO HAS THE SCALLOP GUTS.

>> Stephen: WHO?

WHO?

SO GAIL MADE A CALL TO THE FISHERMAN'S WIFE MICHELLE.

>> AT 7:00 THE PHONE RANGE AND THE VOICES SAID IT'S ME I HAVE YOUR SCALLOP GUTS.

>> Stephen: A NICE CONNECTION UNTIL GAIL LEARNED WHAT WAS REALLY IN THAT BUCKET.

>> GONADSP SCALLOP GONADS.

>> Stephen: YOU MEAN LIKE BALLS?

>> VERY MUCH LIKE BALLS.

>> THIS IS THE GONAD, THE REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS THAT IS WHAT HER WHOLE LIFE IS FOCUSED ON.

>> A WOMAN OBSESSED.

>> THEY HAVE PRETTY LARGE GONADS RELATIVE TO THEIR BODY SIZE STOONCHTS WE GET IT.

LADIES LOVE A HUGE SACK.

SCARLET GOT HER BALLS BACK MYSTERY SOLVED ALL WRAPPED UP IN A PRETTY BOW OR WAS IT?

>> I THINK THAT'S PRETTY MUCH IT.

>> Stephen: OR IS IT?

>> IT IS.

>> Stephen: THEN WEREN'T THE POLICE RODE TO CLOSE THE CASE?

>> WE DIDN'T CLOSE THE CASE BECAUSE WE NEVER OPEN THE CASE.

>> Stephen: SO IT WASN'T CLOSED?

>> THERE IS NO CASE.

>> Stephen: WITH POLICE IN DENIAL THE KEY ISSUE OF MOTIVE WAS UNANSWERED STARTING WITH THE HENCHMAN.

>> I WAS ABLE TO GIVE SKYLAR THE BALLS AND I WAS ABLE TO TAKE THE MEAT AND GIVE THEM TO MY FRIENDS

AND THEY GAVE ME LIQUOR.

>> Stephen: OKAY.

BUT IT DOESN'T EXPLAIN WHY ANYONE NEEDS A FIVE GALLON BUCKET OF SCALLOP NAVES.

A MOUTHFUL.

>> I'M CURIOUS.

I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW WHAT SHE'S DOING WITH IT.

>> Stephen: ONCE AGAIN THIS GUY.

>> HER RESEARCH IS ABOUT IMPROVING THE REPRODUCTIVE SUCCESS OF MAINE SCALLOPS.

>> Stephen: IMPROVING REPRODUCTIONS THEN MAYBE IT'S NOT THE BEST IDEAD TO CUT THEIR

BALLS OFF.

THERE'S A SIMPLER EXPLANATION.

>> HUMAN ANIMAL HYBRIDS.

>> I KNEW IT.

YOU LIKE --

>> I'M NOT -- YOU LIKE TO PLAY GOD.

>> I'M NOT PLAYING GOD AT ALL.

I'M JUST DOING A FEW EXPERIMENTS.

>> Stephen: A LONELY LADY SCIENTISTS WITH FIVE GALLONS OF SCALLOP GONADS CAN LEAD TO ONLY

ONE HORRIFYING REALITY.

SCALLOP MAN AN INVINCIBLE HARD SHELLED MONSTER WITH FREAKISHLY GIANT NADS.

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