Tip/Wag - Peabody Public Schools, Andy Rooney & Ground Zero Mosque Design

  • Aired:  10/12/10
  •  | Views: 36,032

A school district sells ad space on permission slips, Andy Rooney plans to lose 20 pounds, and Philip Kennicott reviews the Ground Zero mosque design. (6:00)

NATION, THEY SAY THOSE WHO LIVE

IN GLASS HOUSES SHOULDN'T THROW

STONES.

ALSO WALK AROUND NAKED, NOT THE

BEST IDEA EITHER.

THIS IS "TIP OF THE HAT, WAG OF

THE FINGER."

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

FIRST UP, LADIES AND FOLKS, IT'S

NO SECRET THAT OUR PUBLIC

SCHOOLS ARE CASH STRAPPED.

HIGH SCHOOL BIOLOGY CLASSES ARE

SO HARD UP FOR FUNDING THEY HAVE

TO DISSECT THE SCHOOL MASCOT.

BUT RATHER THAN RAISE MY TAXES

TO PAY FOR VANITY ITEMS LIKE

DESKS AND KNOWLEDGE, ONE SCHOOL

DISTRICT IS USING THE FREE

MARKET.

JIM?

>> HOMEWORK TIME IS GETTING A

LITTLE MORE LUCRATIVE IN PEABODY

PUBLIC SCHOOLS.

THE DISTRICT, HOPING TO RAISE

CASH BY SELLING AD SPACE ON THE

BACKS OF NOTICES AND PERMISSION

SLIPS THAT WIND UP IN THE HANDS

OF PARENTS CONSTANTLY.

THAT'S POTENTIALLY AN EXTRA

$15,000 TO $24,000 A YEAR FOR

THE DISTRICT.

>> Stephen: WITH ALL THE MONEY

THEY'LL BE MAKING ON THE FIELD

TRIP PERMISSION SLIP, MAYBE THEY

CAN AFFORD TO GO ON FIELD TRIPS.

SO I'M GIVING A BIG TIP OF MY

HAT TO THE PEABODY PUBLIC

SCHOOLS FOR TURNING OUR CHILDREN

INTO WALKING POP-UP ADS.

FIRST OF ALL... YEAH, GIVE IT

UP.

( APPLAUSE )

FIRST OF ALL, THIS IS GREAT NEWS

FOR KIDS.

NOW WHEN THEY TAKE HOME A

DISCIPLINARY NOTE FROM THEIR

TEACHER, THEIR PARENTS WILL SAY,

"BRIAN, I'M SO DISAPPOINTED.

I'M AFRAID I'M GOING TO HAVE TO

GROUND YOU FOR -- HEY, MATTRESS

BARN IS HAVING A HALF-OFF SALE.

" I SAY, WHY STOP AT SCHOOL

NOTES WHEN THERE ARE SO MANY

MORE EDU-ADVER-TUNITIES OUT

THERE.

WHY NOT LET ADVERTISERS BUY

PRIME SPACE ON OUR TESTS.

INSTEAD OF WHAT IS THE

PYTHAGOREAN THEOREM, HOW ABOUT

WHICH TACO BELL GORDITA IS THE

BEST?

( APPLAUSE )

THAT OBVIOUSLY IS A TRICK

QUESTION.

THEY'RE ALL EQUALLY DELICIOUS.

NEXT, A WAG OF MY FINGER AT ANDY

ROONEY.

NOW, THIS ONE HURTS A LITTLE

BECAUSE ANDY HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY

ROLE MODEL WHEN IT COMES TO

PASSING JUDGMENT ON THE BIGGEST

ISSUES AFFECTING AMERICANS'

LIVES.

>> THEY CALL THEM COMIC STRIPS

NOW.

"COMIC" IS A PRETENTIOUS NAME

FOR FUNNY.

IT IS MY OBSERVATION THAT PEOPLE

ARE CARRYING MORE STUFF THAN

THEY USED TO.

I DON'T KNOW WHO LADY GAGA.

IS I HATE TO HAVE A STICKER ON A

PIECE OF FRUIT.

I THINK OVER THE YEARS I'VE

WASTED MORE MONEY ON MELONS THAN

ANYTHING ELSE I'VE EVER BOUGHT.

I DON'T LIKE GREEN FRUIT.

GREEN IS FOR VEGETABLES.

>> Stephen: I WOULD GIVE

ANYTHING TO SIT NEXT TO HIM ON A

LISTENING FLIGHT.

( LAUGHTER )

BUT LAST SUNDAY, FOLKS, ANDY

ROONEY WENT AFTER A NEW

TARGET -- ANDY ROONEY.

>> I PLAN TO LOSE 20 POUNDS BY

HALLOWEEN.

>> Stephen: 20 POUNDS BY

HALLOWEEN?

IS THAT EVEN COUNTING WHAT HE'LL

LOSE IN BONE DENSITY?

ANDY, ANDY, BUDDY, EVERYBODY

WANTS TO LOOK HOT, BUT I HATE TO

SEE YOU GET CAUGHT UP IN

SOCIETY'S UNREALIST ICHABODDY

IMAGE FOR 91-YEAR-OLDS.

YOU CAN'T COMPARE YOURSELF TO

THE IMPOSSIBLE STANDARDS SET BY

THE COVER OF "SENIOR LIVING"

MAGAZINE.

( LAUGHTER )

IT'S NOT REAL.

THEY AIRBRUSH OUT THE WATTLE.

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL THE WAY YOU

ARE, ANDY.

NOT EVERYONE IS BLESSED WITH THE

WRINKLE STRUCTURE OF A MORLEY

SAFER.

( LAUGHTER )

JUST BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE, A

PLUS-SIZE CURMUDGEON WITH SOME

JUNK IN THE TRUNK, AND DON'T BE

AFRAID TO LET YOUR HAIR DOWN,

BUT NOT YOUR EYEBROWS.

THEY GET ANY LOWER AND YOU'RE

NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO SEE.

( LAUGHTER )

FINALLY, A WAG OF MY FINGER AT

"WASHINGTON POST" ARCHITECTURE

CRITIC PHILIP KENNICOTT FOR HIS

REVIEW FOR THE DESIGN OF THE

GROUND ZERO MOSQUE.

IN THE ARTICLE HE SAYS THAT THE

OPEN AND BRIGHT RENDERINGS

INVITE A CHANCE TO REDRAW

CONCLUSIONS.

NOT MY CONCLUSION, KENNY.

I SAY IT WILL BE A BLIGHT ON THE

DOWNTOWN AREA, OBLITERATING THE

ARCHITECTURAL TREASURE CURRENTLY

AT THAT SPOT, AN ABANDONED

BURLINGTON COAT FACTORY.

LOOK AT THE STUNNING USE OF

CONCRETE AND RUSTED IRON WINDOW

BARS, USUALLY SEEN ONLY IN NORTH

KOREAN STRIP MALLS.

I MEAN, COMPARE THAT TO THIS

HIDEOUS ISLAMIC CENTER DESIGN.

I MEAN, YES, THE LATTICE WORK

AND CLEAN LINES LEND AN AIR OF

OPENNESS AND ALMOST ECUMENICAL

OFFERING TO THE CITY, BOTH TIED

TO TRADITION AND FORWARD LOOKING

AND ORGANIC WITHOUT SEEMING

CHAOTIC.

IT SETTLES INTO THE NEIGHBORHOOD

NOT THROUGH MIMICRY BUT THROUGH

ITS URBANE DISPOSITION.

GODDAMN IT, KENNICOTT IS RIGHT.

I MEAN, THIS DESIGN HAS FORCED

AN AGONIZING REAPPRAISAL OF MY

WESTERN SOCIOPOLITICAL AESTHETIC

CONCEIT.

I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SAY,

THIS BUT AFTER SEEING IT, I AM

NOW FULLY IN FAVOR OF BUILDING

THE ISLAM -- WAIT A SECOND.

I JUST NOTICED SOMETHING.

JIMMY, PULL THIS UP FULL AGAIN.

CAN I SEE THIS WITH A CHROMATIC

INVERSION.

OKAY.

NOW HIGHLIGHT ALL THE

TESSELATIONS MORE THAN 100

DEGREES.

NOW ENHANCE.

IT'S BIN LADEN!

I KNEW IT.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

YES.

NICE TRY, ISLAMIC CULTURAL

CENTER, BUT

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