Anthony Weiner's Comeback

  • Aired:  04/10/13
  •  | Views: 31,120

After withdrawing from public life to spend more time with his penis, ex-congressman Anthony Weiner is ready to stick it back in. (4:16)

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

WE HERE IN THE GREAT CITY OF NEW

YORK ARE JUST A FEW MONTHS AWAY

FROM THE END OF MAYOR

BLOOMBERG'S REIN OF TERROR.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HE HAS CRIPPLED THIS METROPOLIS

ABOUT HIS SODA BAN, HIS BIKE

LANES, HIS GUN RESTRICTIONS ANT

CREATION OF 311, HIS CIVIC

INFORMATION LINE.

THANKS BUT NO THANKS MR. MAYOR.

I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHY MY

STREET SMELLS THAT WAY.

[LAUGHTER]

THEY ARE GOING TO SAY LOOK AT

THE FIELD OF CANDIDATES

REPLACING BLOOM BEMPLEG I'M

UNIMPRESSED.

ONE FAMILIAR NAME MAY ENTER THE

RICE.

>> ANTHONY WIENER ADMITS HE IS

SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING A

COMEBACK.

>> THE QUEENS CONGRESSMAN SAID

HE IS THINKING OF RUNNING FOR

MAYOR.

HE SAID SURVEYS SHOW PEOPLE ARE

PREPARED FOR FORGIVE HIM.

>> Stephen: WILL THEY ACTUALLY

FORGIVE HIM?

THE ONLY WAY TO KNOW FOR SURE IS

BY REVISITING THE SCANDAL THAT

FORCED HIM OUT OF OFFICE.

SO SIT BACK, GRAB A BOX OF

POPCORN AND MAKE SURE THERE'S NO

HOLE IN THE BOTTOM BECAUSE HERE

WE GO.

IN 2011 A LINK TO THIS PHOTO

WHICH APPEARED TO BE SOMEONE

SMUGGLING A SHAVED FERRET SHOWED

UP ON THEN CONGRESSMAN WIENER'S

TWITTER FEED.

HE CLAIMED TO HAVE BEEN HACKED

BUT A WOMAN CAME FORWARD WITH

THIS PHOTO AND THEN THIS ONE AND

THEN THESE AND THEN THIS.

THAT'S ENOUGH, JIM.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

JIM, THANK YOU.

[LAUGHTER]

THE CONGRESSMAN THEN RESIGNED

SAYING HE WANTED TO SPEND MORE

TIME WITH HIS PENIS.

[LAUGHTER]

WELL AFTER WITHDRAWING FROM

PUBLIC LIFE WIENER IS READY TO

STICK IT BACK IN.

[ LAUGHTER ]

FOLKS, THAT TAKES BALLS.

SADLY WE KNOW HE HAS THEM.

I FOR ONE THINK WIENER WOULD BE

A GREAT NEW YORK CITY MAYOR.

FOR ONE THING WE WOULDN'T HAVE

TO WORRY ABOUT A SODA BAN

BECAUSE WE'VE SEEN THAT HE PUTS

MORE THAN 16 OUNCES IN HIS CUP.

HEY-OR OOO!

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND I BELIEVE THE TIME IS RIGHT.

ANTHONY WIENER IS A CHANGED MAN.

HIS OWN BROTHER GAVE "THE NEW

YORK TIMES" A TESTIMONIAL.

THERE'S A DOWCHYNESS ABOUT HIM I

DON'T SEE ANYMORE.

I THINK HIS PLAYERAL CAMPAIGN

JUST FOUND HIS SLOGAN, ANTHONY

WIENER NOW LESS DOUCHEY.

THAT REDUCTION, THAT LOWERING IN

THE DOUCHEY LEVEL HAS NOT COME

EASY AS WIENER'S BROTHER POINTED

OUT NO ONE HAS BEEN HARDER ON

HIM THAN HE HAS BEEN ON HIM IS.

WE KNOW HOW HARD HE CAN BE ON

HIMSELF.

UP TOP!

AND YOU CAN HEAR JUST HOW MUCH

RESPONSIBILITY HE TAKES FOR HIS

MISTAKE SAYING QUOTE IT WAS JUST

SOMETHING TECHNOLOGY MADE

POSSIBLE AND IT BECAME POSSIBLE

TOUR ME TO DO STUPID THINGS.

THE THING I DID AND THE DAMAGE I

DID NOT ONLY HADN'T BEEN DONE

BEFORE BUT IT WASN'T POSSIBLE.

IT'S TRUE.

BEFORE TWITTER EXISTED HE WOULD

HAVE HAD TO FAX HIS DONG TO ALL

THOSE WOMEN.

THAT'S NOT EASY.

YOU HAVE TO GET THEM IN THE

FEEDER AND THEN HOW MANY PAGES

OF WANG PHOTOS TSMS A NIGHTMARE.

[LAUGHTER]

ANYWAY, WELCOME BACK ANTHONY

WIENER.

AND GOOD NEWS GOOD NEWS WE HAVE

NEW INTERNET TECHNOLOGY CALLED

INSTAGRAM NOW.

SO YOU CAN ADD A SEEPA TONE TO

MAKE YOUR JUNK SHOT LOOK LIKE IT

CAME FROM A TIME WHEN YOU COULD

GET ELECT

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