Buy Best-Selling "I Am a Pole (And So Can You!)"

  • Aired:  05/31/12
  •  | Views: 11,503

Stephen's clearly nonfiction book about a talking, soul-searching pole hits two best-selling lists, while Bill O'Reilly's book lags behind. (4:22)

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: THANK YOU,

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

>> Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH.

WELCOME TO THE REPORT.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

FOLKS, IF YOU WATCH THIS SHOW, IF YOU ARE A FREQUENT WATCHER OF THIS SHOW, AND I

HOPE YOU ARE, YOU KNOW I WEAR MANY HATS.

PUNDIT, JOURNALIST, AND THIS ONE THAT SAYS I'M A FEMALE BODY INSPECTER.

WHICH-- DUE TO A PENDING COURT CASE I LEGALLY MUST INFORM YOU IS NOT AN ACTUAL

GOVERNMENTAL POSITION.

ONCE AGAIN, MY APOLOGIES TO DORIS CONCERNS GOODWIN.

NOW RECENTLY, FOLKS, RECENT I ADDED ANOTHER HAT, THAT OF CHILDREN'S BOOK AUTHOR!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) THANKS.

WITH THE PUBLIC CASE OF I AM A POLE AND SO YOU CAN.

WHICH IS CURRENTLY NUMBER ONE IN "THE NEW YORK TIMES" BEST-SELLER LIST.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: ADVICE HOW TO AND MISS JANE-- MISCELLANEOUS.

THAT'S RIGHT, ADVICE, HOW TO,

AND MISCELLANEOUS.

IN YOUR FACE, THE BLOOD SUGAR SOLUTION BY DR. MARK HYMAN.

NUMBER SIX, SIX, OUCH.

PLUS KIND OF A CREEPY NAME FOR A CHILDREN'S BOOK.

NOW SOME MIGHT SAY WHY ARE YOU IN THAT CATEGORY,

STEPHEN.

A POLE CAN'T GIVE YOU ADVICE.

THAT STORY IS A COMPLETE FANTASY.

OR IS IT, PEOPLE WHO SAY THAT?

THEN WHY IS I AM A POLE ALSO NUMBER TWO ON PUBLISHER'S WEEKLY'S LIST OF BEST-SELLER NONFICTION?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) NONFICTION.

NON, NONFICTION.

THAT MEANS EVERYTHING IN THIS BOOK ACTUALLY HAPPENS.

AND I CERTAINLY, I CERTAINLY HOPE NO JOURNALIST DOES EXHAUSTIVE GROUNDWORK THAT PROVES ME A LIAR.

BECAUSE THE LAST THING I WANT IS TO BE EMBROILED IN A LITERARY SCANDAL OVER THIS

CLEARLY NONFICTION BOOK ABOUT A TALKING POLE,

FINDING HIS PURPOSE IN LIFE AND IN STRIP CLUBS.

I CONTROVERSY LIKE THAT MIGHT LAND ME IN A TEARY EYED INTERVIEW WITH OPRAH

AND THAT WOULD DESTROY MY SALES.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, THE ONLY HARD COVER NONFICTION BOOK AHEAD OF ME IS THE PASSAGE

OF TOWER, THE FOURTH VOLUME IN ROBERT CARO'S EXPANSIVE BIOGRAPHY OF LBJ THAT TOOK

HIM TEN YEARS TO WRITE.

THIS TOOK ME TEN MINUTES TO WRITE.

(APPLAUSE) I'M WINNING.

I'M WINNING!

AND OF COURSE MY SALES ARE SMOKING MY FELLOW PUNDITMENT I SOLD MORE THAN RACHEL

MADDOW'S DRIFT, BILL O REILLY'S KILLING LINCOLN AND A BLEW THE DOORS OFF SEAN

HANNITY'S 30 DAYS TO A THICKER NECK.

(LAUGHTER) SO FOLKS, GO BUY THIS BOOK.

AND IT'S GREAT FOR MOTHER'S DAY WHICH IS ALREADY PASSED.

BUT FOR NEXT YEAR.

FATHER'S DAY, GRADUATION,

AND DON'T FORGET TO PICK UP THE AUDIO BOOK NARRATED BY OSCAR WINNER TOM HANKS.

ALL OF MY AND TOM'S MONEY FROM THIS AUDIO BOOK WILL GO TO US -- U.S. VETERAN,

UNITED STATES VETERANS INITIATIVE WHICH HELP VETERANS TRANSITION BACK TO CIVILIAN LIFE.

A LITTLE BACKSTAGE ANECDOTE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

A GREAT ORGANIZATION.

A LITTLE KIND OF FUN BACKSTAGE ANECDOTE.

DURING THE RECORDING OF THE BOOK, TOM TOLD ME I