Royal Afterbirth '013!

  • Aired:  07/23/13
  •  | Views: 37,190

The royal family proves that inbreeding has not yet rendered them sterile, and Kate Middleton looks glamorous after giving birth. (3:42)

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN,

STEPHEN!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH.

WE'VE GOT TO GET GOING.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

WITH A GREETING LIKE THAT, I

FEEL LIKE I JUST WALKED INTO A

SURPRISE PARTY.

BIG STORY TONIGHT, EVERYBODY.

OVER 500 AL QAEDA LEADERS HAVE

ESCAPED FROM ABU GHRAIB PRISON

IN IRAQ AND WITH IRAQ FACING

OVER A THOUSAND SECTARIAN

KILLINGS A MONTH, EXPERTS FEAR

THE COUNTRY IS PLUNGING ONCE

AGAIN INTO A BLOODY CIVIL WAR.

FOR MORE, GO SOME PLACE ELSE

BECAUSE THERE'S A ROYAL BABY!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

FOR YET ANOTHER GENERATION, THE

ROYAL FAMILY WAS NOT RENDERED

STERILE THROUGH INBREEDING.

WHICH MEANS IT'S TIME FOR YET

ANOTHER INSTALLMENT OF.

>> STEPHEN COLBERT PRESENTS

"ROYAL AFTER BIRTH: LABOR PARTY.

FETAL ATTRACTION.

BIRTHING-HIPS HOORAH: THE PRINCE

OF WAILS:

>> Stephen: THIS AFTERNOON THE

ROYAL COUPLE FINALLY EMERGED

HOLDING THE YET AS UNNAMED NEW

PRINCE-CAMBRIDGE.

OF COURSE KATE'S A TREND SETTER.

LADIES, THIS IS THE NEW STANDARD

FOR WHAT YOU MUST LOOK LIKE LESS

THAN 24 HOURS AFTER GIVING

BIRTH: SMILING, GLAMOROUS, HAIR

PERFECT, RADIANT AND FRESH.

OKAY.

STEP UP YOUR GAME.

ONCE THE BABY WAS OUT, IT WAS

TIME FOR THE COUPLE TO GO HOME.

>> THEY'RE COMING OUT AGAIN.

LIKE EVERY MODERN PARENT NOW,

YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE YOUR CAR SEAT

READY.

I'M ALSO IMPRESSED BY HOW THIS

BABY IS ABLE TO HANDLE ALL OF

THE NOISE.

>> WILLIAM IS GOING TO DRIVE THE

RANGE HOME.

THAT IS SO COOL.

>> Reporter: THAT IS SO COOL.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

I MUST SAY AS A TRADITIONALIST,

I AM DISAPPOINTED THEY DIDN'T

TAKE THE BABY HOME ON

PEASANT-BACK.

OF COURSE THERE ARE STILL MAJOR

QUESTIONS LEFT UNANSWERED WHAT

WILL HIS NAME BE?

WE KNOW IT HAS A HEAD BUT WHAT

WILL BE ON THAT HEAD?

A FACE?

>> THE CHILD IS LIKELY TO HAVE

KATE'S EYES, DARK HAIR AND

DARKER SKIN.

AND WILL'S LIPS AND ROYAL NOSE,

ALSO SEEN ON PRINCE PHILIP,

CHARLES AND HARRY.

>> Stephen: MAYBE, BUT WE HEAR

AT THE REPORT HAVE OUR OWN

COMPUTER-GENERATED SPECUJECTION

OF WHAT THE BABY MIGHT LOOK LIKE

IF HE GETS THE QUEEN'S EYES,

PRINCE CHARLES' EARS AND AN

ENGLISHMAN'S TEETH.

THEY'RE SO CUTE AT THAT

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