Grab-Ask 5800

  • Aired:  08/01/13
  •  | Views: 42,737

Stephen devises a foolproof system to help Bob Filner navigate the sexual rules of the modern workplace. (2:22)

SO TO HELP LEARN WHETHER

SEXUAL ADVANCES ARE WELCOME

OR UNWELCOME LET'S HEAD OVER

TO THE GRAB ASK 5800.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

WELCOME TO THE GRAB ASK 5800

WHICH-- FOR PURPOSE OF THIS

DEMONSTRATION, IS A DON'T

TOUCH-SCREEN.

(LAUGHTER)

NOW I WILL NOT TOUCH THE

DON'T TOUCH-SCREEN BECAUSE I

HAVE NOT BEEN INVITED TO.

EVEN THOUGH, LET'S FACE IT,

IT'S CLEARLY ASKING FOR IT I

MEAN--

(LAUGHTER)

I MEAN COME ON P AM I CRAZY.

AM I THE ONLY ONE GETTING A

VIBE HERE.

I MEANS WHAT'S UP, SCREEN?

OKAY.

SEE?

THAT'S OUR FIRST LESSON.

I MEAN I CLEARLY

MISINTERPRETED THE SCREEN'S

INTENTIONS.

I SHOULD HAVE ASKED FIRST,

TOUCH-SCREEN, MAY I PUT MY

HANDS ON YOU?

OKAY, GREAT.

NOW SI HAVE A LOT OF

SYMPATHY FOR BOB FILLNER

BECAUSE THE SEXUAL RULES OF

THE MODERN WORKPLACE ARE A

BYZANTINE MAZE OF CAPRICIOUS

NUANCE.

FOR INSTANCE, LET'S SAY YOU

FEEL THE DESIRE TO TONGUE

YOUR COWORKER'S FACE DURING

A MEETING.

(LAUGHTER)

WHAT DO DOW?

NOT SO SIMPLE, IS IT?

THAT'S WHY I HAVE DEVISED A

FOOLPROOF SYSTEM I CALLED

DON'T, OKAY.

IT'S A HANDY KNEW MONDAYIC

DEVICE.

THE D STANDS FOR DON'T.

(LAUGHTER)

AND--

(APPLAUSE)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

AND THE REST OF THE LETTERS

ARE JUST A BONUS.

YOU DON'T NEED THOSE.

THOSE CAN GO.

OKAY.

(LAUGHTER)

HERE'S HOW IT WORKS.

THE NEXT TIME, THE NEXT TIME

YOU'RE WITH A COWORKER AND

YOU'RE THINKING I WANT TO

ASK HER NOT TO WEAR PANTIES

WHILE PUTTING HER IN A HEAD

LOCK AND GROWNING HER-- GROPING

HER BOO B'S, STOP, REASSESS,

APPLY THE SYSTEM AND DON'T.

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

ALL RIGHT?

FOLKS, JUST STICK TO THESE

GUIDELINES AND BEFORE YOU

KNOW IT YOU WILL HAVE SEXUAL

HARASSMENT LICKED, IN WHICH

CASE YOU'LL NEED SOME MORE

TRAINING.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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