Weiner Captures Manscaping Vote

  • Aired:  06/08/11
  •  | Views: 34,897

Anthony Weiner captures the manscaping vote and makes Stephen feel like an oyster. (4:34)

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

FOLKS, I DID NOT WANT TO TALK

RACKET WEINER-GATE TONIGHT.

I WAS PLANNING TO REPORT ON THE

DEBT CEILING AND BEN BER NAB I

CAN'S RECENT STATEMENTS ON

MONETARY POLICY, BUT EVERY TIME

I THINK I'M OUT, IT DRAGS ME

BACK IN.

I GUESS ANY OBJECT OF THIS MASS

AND DENSITY HAS ITS OWN

GRAVITATIONAL PULL.

NOW, THERE HAS BEEN A FEW NEW

DEVELOPMENTS OVER HERE.

EVERYBODY KNOWS THE MAN WHO

BROKE THE STORY, BLOGGER ANDREW

BRITHNEY GOODWIN HAS -- ANDREW

BREITBART HAS A MORE GRAPHIC

PHOTO OF THE WEINER PEENER, BUT

HE'S NOT GOING TO RELEASE IT

BECAUSE HE'S A GOOD GUY.

>> I HAVE THIS PHOTO, BUT I'M

NOT DOING THIS FOR NEFARIOUS

PURPOSES.

I'M TRYING NO DO THE DECENT

THING HERE.

I'M TRYING TO DO THE DECENT

THING HERE AND NOT RELEASE THE

PHOTO.

I'M DOING THIS TO SAVE HIS

FAMILY, OKAY.

>> Stephen: THAT IS CALLED

ETHICS, FOLKS.

AND TODAY THIS GOOD MAN CEMENTED

HIS JOURNALISTIC CREDIBILITY BY

APPEARING ON AMERICA'S MOST

TRUSTED NAME IN NEWS, THE "OPIE

AND ANTHONY" RADIO SHOW.

HE BRAVELY RESISTED THEIR

REQUEST TO SHOW THE PHOTO.

>> WE'D LIKE THE SEE THE PHOTO.

>> YOU WANT TO?

>> Stephen: I'M SURE YOU WANT

TO, OPIE AND ANTHONY.

TOO BAD THIS MAN HAS STAKED HIS

REPUTATION ON THE MORAL CHOICE

TO KEEP THIS PRIVATE FOR THE

MAN'S FAMILY.

>> THAT'S THE FAMOUS...

>> THAT'S THE REAL ONE?

>> Stephen: OKAY.

HE DIDN'T RESIST FOR LONG, BUT

YOU GOT THE THINK, THAT THING IS

BURNING A HOLE IN HIS POCKET.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, HERE'S THE

PHOTO.

[AUDIENCE REACTS]

IT'S A LITTLE BLURRY.

I WISH IT WAS BLURRIER FRANKLY.

IT'S BLURRY BECAUSE IT'S A PHONE

PHOTO THAT ANDREW BREITBART HAD

HIS PHONE THAT "OPIE AND

ANTHONY" TOOK A ON PHONE PHOTO OF.

YOU GET THE IDEA.

I DON'T KNOW IF WEINER IS GOING

TO RESIGN.

THAT'S UP TO THE VOTERS IN HIS

DISTRICT TO DECIDE.

BUT WHEN THEY STEP INTO THAT

VOTING BOOTH TO YANK THAT LEVER,

I'M PRETTY SURE THIS IS WHAT'S

GOING TO COME TO MIND.

IF I WAS HIS OPPONENT, I'D HAVE

THEM ALL PAINTED PINK.

NOW, FOR THOSE OF YOU AT HOME

WHO CANNOT SEE IT AT ALL, I'LL

JUST SAY, ANTHONY WEINER HAS

CAPTURED THE MANSCAPING VOTE.

I MEAN, THAT'S NOT JUST GROOMING

THAT.

IS A SCORCHED EARTH POLICY HE'S

GOING ON THERE.

THAT IS... THIS AREA DOWN HERE,

THAT IS WHAT SHERMAN DID TO

ATLANTA.

BUT THIS IS NOT WHY I'M TALKING

ABOUT THIS.

I AM TALKING ABOUT THIS AGAIN

BECAUSE ONCE AGAIN I AM THE

STORY.

APPARENTLY CONGRESSMAN WEINER

ALSO ENGAGED IN FACEBOOK SEX

WITH A LAS VEGAS BLACKJACK

DEALER, WHO CLAIMED SHE TOLD

WEINER, "I WAS SO PSYCHED TO SEE

YOU ON "COLBERT."

YOU WERE SO FUNNY, TO WHICH HE

SAYS, "YOU WATCH IT NAKED"?

AND SHE SAYS, "HA HA, OF

COURSE."

OH, OH, OH, MY GOD.

OH, OH.

OH, MY GOD.

OH.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

OH.

BRRR.

IT TOOK ME A YEAR TO GET THE

SPITZER OFF ME.

[LAUGHTER]

AND IN THE SPACE OF THE LAST TWO

WEEKS I FIND OUT THAT HUGH

HEFNER AND ANTHONY WEINER HAVE

BOTH USED MY SHOW AS AN

APHRODISIAC.

I FEEL LIKE AN OYSTER.

AND THEN SHE SAID, "TO GET US IN

THE MOOD, FIRST WE WATCH "THE

DAILY SHOW" AND "THE COLBERT

REPORT," OR IF THIS IS NOT YOUR

THING, WE CAN JUST GET DRUNK AND

HAVE MAD, PASSIONATE SEX."

HE SAID, "WHY CHOOSE?

WE MANY BEHIND YOU, CAN'T WE

BOTH WATCH "THE DAILY SHOW"?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

OH, MY STARS.

ANTHONY WEINER IS PROPOSING HE'S

DOING IT DOGGIE DURING "THE

DAILY."

CONGRESSMAN WEINER, YOU BETTER

NOT TRY ANY OF THAT PREVERSION

WITH MY SHOW.

THIS IS FAMILY PROGRAM AND MUST

ONLY BE VIEWED FROM THE

MISSIONARY PO

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