Close Sesame

  • Aired:  06/14/11
  •  | Views: 59,661

"Sesame Street" brainwashes kids by teaching them the importance of saving and self-control. (5:20)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH.

WELCOME BACK.

EVERYBODY KNOWS AND IT'S NO

SECRET OUT THERE THAT I HAVE HAD

A LONG TIME BEEF WITH "SESAME

STREET".

THEY TEACH OUR KIDS ALL THE

WRONG LESSONS.

LIKE THE HAIRY MAN LIVING IN A

DUMPSTER IS YOUR FRIEND.

(LAUGHTER)

AND THAT THE LETTER "D" IS A

RELIABLE SPONSOR.

PAY UP, "D."

DON'T MAKE ME SEND 7 AFTER YOU.

YOU HEARD WHAT 7 DID TO 9.

BUT NOW THESE MONSTERS-- COOKIE

AND OTHERWISE-- ARE BRAINWASHING

OUR KIDS AS PART OF A NEW

INITIATIVE CALLED "FOR ME, FOR

YOU, FOR LATER."

WHICH TEACHES TOT IT IS

IMPORTANCE OF SAVING AND

SELF-CONTROL.

THE D.V.D. IS A LITTLE CONFUSING

BUT FROM WHAT I CAN GATHER FROM

MY REPEATED VIEWINGS--

(LAUGHTER)

-- ELMO WANT SHINY BALL.

>> A STUPENDOUS BALL.

♪ STUPENDOUS BALL ♪

>> SINCE COMMERCE ON "SESAME

STREET" RUNS ON A PURELY CASH

BASIS, IF YOU WANT A STUPENDOUS

BALL, $5 APIECE, AND YOU'VE ONLY

GOT, SAY, ONE DOLLAR, YOU CAN'T

BORROW, YOU HAVE TO SAVE UP FOR

IT.

>> Stephen: RIDICULOUS!

WHY SHOULD ELMO SAVE UP FOR IT

WHEN ELMO PRO-APPROVED FOR BRAND

NEW STUPENDOUS BALL CARD?

(LAUGHTER)

ELMO CALL STEPHEN NOW, LIMITED

TIME OFFER!

BESIDES, "SESAME STREET" HAS

ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT INDULGING YOUR

IMPULSES.

WHETHER IT BE GOING ON A

BLACKOUT COOKIE BENDER OR

CACKLING ABOUT YOUR

UNCONTROLLABLE O.C.D.

(LAUGHTER)

YOU KNOW, THAT COULD BE MANAGED

WITH ONE, TWO, THREE DOSES OF

PAXIL!

HA HA HA HA HA.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

BEAUTIFUL PAXIL!

THIS MUPPET FISCAL CONSERVE

STICHL BASED ON A SOCIAL SCIENCE

EXPERIMENT CALLED THE

MARSHMALLOW TEST.

FOR MORE, WE TURN TO GROVER AND

AN UNNAMED MUPPET NAMED LEATHER.

>> SOMETIMES PEOPLE DO THIS

STUFF WITH KIDS YOUR AGE, THEY

SAY "I'LL GIVE YOU A MARSHMALLOW

NOW OR IF YOU WAIT AA LITTLE

WHILE I'LL GIVE YOU TWO

MARSHMALLOWS, BUT ONLY IF YOU

WAIT."

>> THE MARSHMALLOWS!

>> WOULD IT BE HARD TO WAIT?

>> IT WOULD BE VERY HARD TO WAIT

YES.

>> Stephen: VERY HARD TO WAIT

FOR MARSHMALLOWS.

I FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT GROVER

MEAT.

(LAUGHTER)

IT'S GOOD.

IT'S GOOD.

NOW, THIS EXPERIMENT WAS FIRST

PERFORMED IN 12970s TO DETERMINE

A CHILD'S SELF-CONTROL AND THE

RESULTS WERE STARTLING.

ACCORDING TO THE STUDY KIDS KIDS

WHO AT THE AGE OF THREE

DISPLAYED THE MOST SELF-CONTROL

WERE FAR MORE LIKELY TO BE

HEALTHY AND WEALTHY IN THEIR

30s.

EVIDENTLY, YOUR ABILITY TO

RESIST EATING A MARSHMALLOW

DETERMINES YOUR FUTURE SUCCESS.

(LAUGHTER)

I SAY IT'S TIME TO TEST THIS

THEORY.

I HAPPEN TO HAVE A BAG OF

MARSHMALLOWS RIGHT HERE AND...

(LAUGHTER)

... I COULD HAVE SWORN THAT WAS

FULL BEFORE THE SHOW.

NEVER MIND, I ALWAYS CARRY A

SPARE BAG.

SO THE THEORY IS THAT IF I

RESIST EATING THIS NOW THEN I

GET TO HAVE TWO LATER.

LET'S TRY IT.

WHERE'S THE MARSHMALLOWS?

(LAUGHTER)

LET'S TRY IT THE OTHER WAY.

LEER TWO THAT I CAN HAVE LATER.

I WAS WRONG AS I RESISTED EATING

THIS ONE.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

WHERE THE (BLEEP) ARE MY

MARSHMALLOWS?

(LAUGHTER)

JIMMY!

JIMMY, WE NEED TO SPRAY THE

STUDIO FOR RACCOONS AGAIN.

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'LL TRY IT WITH A DIFFERENT

FOOD.

OKAY, HERE'S BROCCOLI, OKAY?

NOW, IF I RESIST THIS STALK OF

BROCCOLI FOR TEN SECONDS, I CAN

HAVE TWO MARSHMALLOWS, ALL

RIGHT?

READY?

GO!

OH, I CAN'T WAIT TO FIND OUT

WHAT HAPPENS!

I BET I CAN DO IT!

(AUDIENCE COUNTING DOWN)

I DID IT!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

AND NOW, BECAUSE I'VE BEEN GOOD

(LAUGHTER)

I CAN HAVE MY BROCCOLI.

MMM.

(LAUGHTER)

MMM.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

IN YOUR FACE, ELMO!

I'M EATING MARSHMALLOWS!

(LAUGHTER)

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

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