Tip/Wag - Scientists & KFC

  • Aired:  04/29/10
  •  | Views: 71,645

Scientists demystify the fabled Palouse earthworm, and KFC sells pink buckets of fried chicken to raise money for breast cancer. (3:19)

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY.

YOU KNOW, FOLKS, THEY SAY "DON'T JUDGE MAN UNTIL YOU'VE WALKED A

MILE IN HIS SHOES." I SAY SOMEBODY HAS A SICK SHOE FETISH.

THIS IS TIP OF THE HAT, WAG OF THE FINGER.

[APPLAUSE]

FIRST WAG OF MY FINGER AT SCIENTISTS FOR DESTROYING THE LEGEND OF THE GIANT PALOUSE

EARTHWORM, A CREATURE THAT ONCE THRIVED ON THE IDAHO PRAIRIES BUT HAD RARELY BEEN SEEN IN THE

LAST 110 YEARS.

ACCORDING TO LOCAL OLD-TIMERS,

THE WORM WAS THREE FEET LONG,

SMELLED LIKE LILIES AND SPITS AT ITS ATTACKERS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WHICH COINCIDENTALLY IS ALSO A WAY TO DESCRIBE JOHNNY WEIR.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT NOW A TEAM OF NO-FUN-OLOGISTS HAS COME ALONG AND ACTUALLY FOUND ONE.

TURNS OUT THE THREE-FOOT-LONG SPITTING WORM THAT SMELLS LIKE LILIES IS ACTUALLY A TEN-INCH

LONG NON-SPITTING WORM THAT SMELLS LIKE WORM.

[LAUGHTER]

STOP DEMYSTIFYING OUR FABLED BEASTS, SCIENTISTS.

NEXT YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME THAT UNICORNS ARE JUST HORSES

WITH BED HEAD, AND I DON'T WANT ANOTHER ONE OF MY CHILDHOOD FANTASIES DESTROYED.

[LAUGHTER]

NEXT, TIP OF THE HAT TO KFC, AND NOT JUST FOR THEIR DOUBLE-DOWN SANDWICH WHERE THE BUN IS

REPLACED WITH FRIED CHICKEN OR THE TRIPLE DOWN SANDWICH WHERE YOUR HANDS ARE REPLACED WITH

FRIED CHICKEN.

NO.

TODAY I AM PRAISING THEM FOR RAISING BREAST CANCER AWARENESS BY SELLING PINK BUCKETS OF CHICKEN.

FOR EVERY BUCKET SOLD, KFC DONATES 50 CENTS TO SUSAN G.

KOMEN FOR THE CURE, AN ORGANIZATION THAT RAISES AWARENESS FOR BREAST CANCER.

SOME ARE SAYING THIS ENDORSEMENT SENDS A MIXED MESSAGE, LIKE BARBARA BRENNER, EXECUTIVE

DIRECTOR OF BREAST CANCER ACTION WHO ARGUES THEY'RE RAISING MONEY

FOR WOMEN'S HEALTH BY SELLING A PRODUCT THAT IS BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH?

IT'S HYPOCRISY.

NO, MADAM, IT'S HYPO-CRISPY.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

BESIDES, THERE'S AN EASY WAY TO SOLVE THIS DILEMMA.

YES, FRIED FOODS MAY CLOG YOUR ARTIES, SO AFTER YOU BUY THE CHICKEN, EVERYONE SHOULD ALSO

BUY CAMPBELL'S SOUP TO ADDRESS YOUR HEART CAMPAIGN RAISES MONEY TO FIGHT HEART DISEASE.

OF COURSE, CANNED SOUP OFTEN HAS HIGH LEVELS OF SODIUM, WHICH CAN LEAD TO KIDNEY DISEASE.

THAT'S WHY YOU SHOULD LOAD UP ON COCA-COLA, PARTNER OF THE NATIONAL KIDNEY FOUNDATION.

NOW, SUGARY SOFT DRINKS CAN CONTRIBUTE TO DIABETES, SO WE ALL NEED TO BUY A FORD, GLOBAL

PARTNER OF THE JUVENILE DIABETES RESEARCH FOUNDATION.

AND DON'T WORRY THAT TRUCKS AND S.U.V.s HURT THE ENVIRONMENT,

JUST BUY A CAR ON THE OF MARLBOROS BECAUSE MARLBORO IS MAJOR PARTNER OF KEEP AMERICA BEAUTIFUL.

OF COURSE, SMOKING CAUSES CANCER, SO YOU'LL WANT TO FIGHT BACK BY BUYING A BUCKET OF KFC.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]||

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