Ground Zero Mosque-erade

  • Aired:  12/12/12
  •  | Views: 35,036

With no juicy stories to get angry about, Fox News pulls out the emergency Muslims and criticizes their lack of community programming. (3:22)

>> STEPHEN: DWOAM BACK, EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

FOLKS, I SPENT THE ENTIRE FIRST ACT TALKING ABOUT MYSELF, BUT NOT ALL THE NEWS IS THAT HARD-HITTING.

FOR INSTANCE, YESTERDAY, THIS IS WHAT EVERYONE WAS COVERING: A MONKEY LOOSE IN A FUR COAT

LOOSE AT IKEA.

NOTE TO THE MEDIA: A MONKEY AT IKEA IS NOT NEWS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

A MONKEY BUILDING THE "FJELL" FOUR-DRAWER CHEST WITH NO DOWELS LEFTOVER -- THAT'S NEWS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

S.

[ APPLAUSE ]

SO WHAT'S A PUNDIT WITH NO JUICY STORIES TO GET ANGRY ABOUT SUPPOSED TO DO?

LUCKILY, THE FOLKS OVER AT FOX NEWS ARE ALWAYS PREPARED TO SMASH THE GLASS AND PULL OUT THE

EMERGENCY MUSLIMS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> THE GROUND ZERO MOSQUE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A CULTURAL CENTER, REMEMBER?

>> TURNS OUT IT'S AN EMPTY SPACE WITH NO COMMUNITY PROGRAMS DOZEN OF WORSHIPERS GATHER AT

THE SITE FOR PRAYER SERVICES.

>> IT IS ALL PRAY AND NO PLAY.

>> IT'S ALL PRAY AND NO PLAY.

>> IT TURNS OUT WE MAY HAVE BEEN LIED TO.

>> YOU COULD CALL THIS A MOS-QUE-RADE.

>> Stephen: OH, IT'S A MOSQUE-ER-ADE ALL RIGHT.

I'M IN NO MAH-MOOD FOR IT, I'VE JIHAD IT UP TO HERE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THE MEDIA HAJJ TO MECCA BIG DEAL OUT OF THIS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

HUMMUS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

OH.

IT FEELS SO GOOD TO BE ANGRY ABOUT THIS AGAIN.

WAIT, WHY WAS I ANGRY ORIGINALLY?

LOUD MUSIC?

SCHWARMA FUMES?

WHAT?

>> BUILDING THE ISLAMIC MOSQUE AT GROUND ZERO IS LIKE POURING SALT ON THE WOUND OF THE 9/11 VICTIMS.

>> IT IS AN INSULT.

IT IS DEEPLY OFFENSIVE.

>> IT'S POKING A STICK IN THE EYE.

>> A FINGER IN THE EYE OF AMERICA.

>> Stephen: YEAH, IT'S A FINGER IN THE EYE!

AND AMERICA NEVER HAD TIME TO DEPLOY OUR THREE STOOGES DEFENSE!

[ LAUGHTER ]

TWO YEARS AGO, WE WERE TOLD THIS BUILDING WOULD BE A COMMUNITY CENTER, BUT THE ONLY COMMUNITY

PROGRAM THEY HAVE IS A CLASS IN CAPOEIRA -- AN AFRO-BRAZILIAN MARTIAL ART THAT COMBINES DANCE AND MUSIC!

FIGHTING, WITH DANCE AND MUSIC?

HAVE WE LEARNED NOTHING FROM "WEST SIDE STORY?"

[ LAUGHTER ]

THIS IS GREAT.

THIS IS GREAT.

THERE ARE SO MANY TWO-YEAR-OLD STORIES TO BE MAD ABOUT.

REMEMBER THAT ICELANDIC VOLCANO EYJAFJALLAJOO�KULL?

WHY CAN'T I PRONOUNCE YOU?!

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND WHAT ABOUT THAT TWO-YEAR-OLD INDONESIAN KID WHO SMOKED?

WHERE WERE HIS PARENTS?!

I MEAN, NOW HE'S FOUR, SO IT'S COOL.

BUT BACK THEN?!

MAKES ME SICK.

[ LAUGHTER ]

OH, AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON LEBRON JAMES' HOUR-LONG SIGNING SPECIAL.

PRETTY COCKY MOVE FOR A GUY WHO'S NEVER EVEN WON A CHAMPIONSHIP-- IS WHAT I WOULD HAVE SAID.

BEFORE HE DID.

[ LAUGHTER ]

FOLKS, 2010 MAKES ME SO ANGRY, I JUST WANT TO --

[ LAUGHTER ]

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.