Wisconsin's Fake Democrats

  • Aired:  05/10/12
  •  | Views: 14,479

Wisconsin Republicans force primaries by running as Democrats, which is like calling a timeout in football, dressed up as the other team's coach. (3:20)

>> Stephen: HEY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

WELCOME BACK THANK YOU SO MUCH, FOLKS, LAST YEAR WISCONSIN GOVERNOR SCOTT

WALKER LEAD A BRAVE BATTLE AGAINST PUBLIC SERVICE UNIONS WHICH SPARK PRODUCT

TESTS, LEGISLATIVE PARALYSIS AND MOST SHOCKINGLY OF ALL,

PEOPLE CARE APPROXIMATING ABOUT WISCONSIN.

NOW GOVERNOR WALKER AND FOUR REPUBLICAN STATE SENATORS ARE FACING A RECALL ELECTION.

THE PRIMARY FOR WHICH WILL LAST TUESDAY MAKE EIGHT.

NOW IT WOULD HAVE BEEN GREAT FOR THE REPUBLICANS IF THE DEMOCRATS HAD PRIMARY

CHALLENGERS FOR EACH SEAT IT WOULD HAVE COST THE DEMS MONEY AND WASTED CAMPAIGN TIME.

BUT UNFORTUNATELY, THE DEMOCRATS WERE UNIFIED AND EACH MAN WAS RUNNING UNOPPOSED.

I MEAN WHAT COULD THE REPUBLICAN DOES.

>> THE GOVERNMENT ACCOUNTABILITY BOARD VOTED U THAN NEWSLY TO ALLOW A HALF

DOZEN REPUBLICANS TO RUN AS DEMOCRATS FORCING PRIMARIES.

>> Stephen: REPUBLICANS RUNNING AS DEMOCRATS TO FORCE PRIMARIES IS PERFECTLY LEGITIMATE.

IT'S JUST LIKE WHEN YOU CALL A TIME OUT IN FOOTBALL BY DRESSING UP AS THE OTHER

TEAM'S COACH.

BUT FOR SOME REASON, THAT SIMPLE CIVICS LESSON WAS LOST ON THE REAM DEMOCRAT,

JIM.

>> DEMOCRATS PROTESTED WHAT THEY CALLED FAKE DEMOCRATS OUTSIDE THE COUNTY

COURTHOUSE TUESDAY MORNING BRINGING IN FAKE CANDIDATES IS WRONG.

I MEAN IT'S FRAUD.

>> OH, REALLY, ANYONE WHO IS FAKE IS AUTOMATICALLY A FRAUD.

THAT IS BIGOTRY.

I CAN ONLY IMAGINE WHAT THE REVEREND MARVIN BLUTHER KING WOULD SAY ABOUT THAT.

>> AND FOLKS, THIS KIND OF PREJUDICE CUTS ME DEEP BECAUSE I'VE EXPERIENCED IT MYSELF.

>> STEVE COLBERT IS A FAKE PUNDIT ON TV.

>> TK FAKE NEWSMAN STEPHEN COLBERT.

>> HE IS A GENUINE FAKE NEWSMAN.

>> COLBERT, A FAKE NEWS GUY.

>> Stephen: I MAY BE A FAKE NEWS GUY, BUT I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE WOLF BLITZER.

OR SHOULD I SAY COYOTE BLITZMAN?

BUT I ADMIT IT, STEPHEN COLBERT DOES NOT EXIST.

I GREW UP STEVE COLBERT AND I CHANGED MY NAME FOR THE SAME REASON MOST PEOPLE DO,

BECAUSE I RATTED OUT THE GAMBINO CRIME FAMILY.

>> NOBODY TELL THEM WHERE I AM.

WELL, FOLK OS, I'M SORRY TO SAY THIS STORY OF MAKE BELIEVE COURAGE DOES NOT

HAVE A HAPPY ENDING BECAUSE ALL THE SO-CALLED FAKE CANDIDATES WERE DEFEATED ON TUESDAY.

SO MY CONDOLENCES TO FAKE DEMOCRAT JIM BUCKLEY, TAMARA VERBROOK, ISAAC WEEKS AND

PERHAPS THE FAKEST SOUNDING DEMOCRAT, OTTO JUNKERMAN.

WHO IT TURNS OUT IS A REAL PERSON DESPITE HIS RIDICULOUS NAME.

STAY STRONG, O JUNK.

THESE MADE UP CANDIDATES MAY HAVE LOST, FOLKS, BUT I BELIEVE WE WILL SEE A DAY

WHEN A FAKE CANDIDATE CAN BE ELECTED TO PUBLIC OFFICE, IN THE IMMORTAL WORDS OF THE

REVEREND MARVIN BLUTHER KING,

I DON'T HAVE A DREAM, I AM A

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