2011 Kennedy Center Honors

  • Aired:  12/05/11
  •  | Views: 40,820

Stephen needs help staying awake through this episode of The Report after honoring Yo-Yo Ma at the 34th Kennedy Center Honors. (3:33)

AIRPORT

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

Captioning sponsored by

COMEDY CENTRAL

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE

REPORT, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE

REPORT.

GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, LADIES

AND GENTLEMEN.

BOY, FOLKS, THANK YOU SO

MUCH.

I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU, I

ABSOLUTELY NEEDED THAT,

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

BECAUSE I'M EXHAUSTED.

I AM GOING TO NEED A LITTLE

HELP TO GET THROUGH

TONIGHT'S SHOW.

GOT HERE, YOU KNOW IT WAS A

LITTLE FIVE HOUR ENERGY DO

IT FOR ME.

ALTHOUGH YOU KNOW WHAT, I

ONLY NEED THIS FOR A HALF AN

HOUR.

SO-- THERE YOU ARE.

WHOOO!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: WHOOO!

I CAN FEEL MY HEARTBEAT IN

MY HAIR!

I WILL FISTFIGHT A SHARK.

NOW FOLKS, YOU SEE, I AM SO

TIRED TONIGHT BECAUSE LAST

NIGHT I WAS IN OUR NATION'S

CAPITAL AT THE KENNEDY

CENTER HONORS WHICH PAYS

TRIBUTE TO OUR NATION'S

GREATEST CREATIVE ARTISTS BY

GIVING THEM SUSPENDED STOLEN

FROM MORK FROM OR OCTOBER.

LAST NIGHT THE KENNEDY

CENTER HONORED JAZZ

SAXOPHONIST SONY ROLLINS,

ROCK 'N' ROLL HALL OF FAMER

NEIL DIAMOND, BROADWAY

LEGEND BARBARA COOK.

WORLD RENOWNED CELLIST YO-YO

MA AND MERYL STREEP.

IS THERE ANYTHING MERYL

STREEP HASN'T WON?

OSCARS, GOLDEN GLOBE, LAST

YEAR SHE WAS NAMED

PROFESSIONAL BULL RIDING'S

RODEO CLOWN OF THE YEAR.

WHEN SHE JUMPS IN THE BARREL,

YOU BELIEVE IT.

NOW LAST NIGHT IT WAS MY

HONOR TO HONOR YO-YO MA.

JIM, HONOR ME HONORING HIM.

>> TONIGHT WE CELEBRATE THE

GREATEST LIVING CELLIST,

TONIGHT WE CHELLIBRATE, IF

YOU WILL.

THAT FROM THE NEW BOOK I'M

WRITING, A 1001 CELLO PUNS.

ALL I NEED IS A THOUSAND

MORE PUNS.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT I THINK IT'S GOING TO

SELL BECAUSE THERE'S ALWAYS

ROOM FOR MORE CELLO.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

NOW FOLKS, MY HONORING DID

TO THE GUN NOTICED.

AUDIENCE MEMBER AND GOP

FRONT-RUNNER NEWT GINGRICH

RELEASED THIS ACTUAL TWEET

TODAY.

STEPHEN COLBERT WAS

BRILLIANT AT KENNEDY CENTER

HONORS TONIGHT.

NEWT GINGRICH SAID I'M

BRILLIANT, OKAY.

AND NEWT RESERVED HIS

TWITTER FEED FOR THINGS OF

THE UTMOST IMPORTANCE LIKE

THESE ACTUAL TWEETS.

I ATE A REESES PEANUT BUTTER

CUP FOR BREAKFAST.

AND CALISTA GOT ME A REESE'S

PEANUT BUTTER EGG.

IT IS GOOD TOO.

AND FOLKS, FOR THE RECORD,

NEWT DID NOT SAY THAT

BECAUSE HE'S A LOBBYIST FOR

REESE'S, THEY GAVE HIM 1.5

MILLION DOLLARS BECAUSE HE

IS A