Sport Report - From Russia With Love (But No Gay Stuff) - Buddy Cole in Sochi

  • Aired:  02/19/14
  •  | Views: 62,032

Buddy Cole takes a first-hand look at the massive gay conspiracy to bring down the Olympics. (7:17)

AND RUSSIA IS READY TO BRINGDOWN THE HAMMER AND SICKLE

ON ANY PRO GAY AGITATORS.

JUST TODAY THEY WENT AFTERFEMINIST ART COLLECTIVE AND

RUSSIA'S ANSWER TO THEWIGGLES PUSSY RIOT.

FRIENDS OF THE SHOW, FRIENDSOF THE SHOW.

NOW CLEARLY THERE IS AMASSIVE GAY CONSPIRACY TO

BRING DOWN THESE OLYMPICGAMES.

THAT'S WHY I ENLISTED MY OLDFRAT BUDDY AND COLBERT

REPORT PRODUCER BUDDY COLETO INVESTIGATE THE GAY

THREAT TO SOCHI.

LAST WEEK BUDDY SAT DOWNWITH THE U.S. SPEED SKATING

TEAM TO TEACH THEM HOW TOAPPEAR JUST AS STRAIGHT AS

HE IS.

AND NOW BUDDY'S IN THE BELLYOF THE BEAST, PLEASE WELCOME

LIVE FROM SOCHI BUDDY COLE.

BUDDY, MY FRIEND.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)BUDDY, I GOT TO SAY IT IS

GOOD TO SEE YOU.

>> BONJOUR FROM RUSSIA,STEPHEN.

NOW YOU'RE JOINING US LIVEFROM THE HEART OF THE

OLYMPICS.

>> THAT'S RIGHT, STEPHEN, ISTAYED HERE IN SOCHI.

I WANTED TO BE SURE I WASSTILL IN RUSSIA WHEN THESE

SEGMENTS ABOUT THEIRANTI-GAY LAWS AIRED.

>> Stephen: THAT'S VERYBRAVE OF YOU.

>> YES, AREN'T I.

>> Stephen: NOW BUDDY THEMAYOR OF SOCHI SAYS THERE

ARE NO GAYS IN THE CITY.

CAN YOU CONFIRM THAT?

>> I CAN CONFIRM THERE IS ATLEAST ONE.

>> THAT'S MY BLOODHOUND,SMOKE THEM OUT, MY FRIEND.

NOW YOU HAVE MET WITH ANYOLYMPIANS.

>> ACTUALLY LAST NIGHT AT ACAFE I MET WITH ONE OF THOSE

GUYS, YOU KNOW THE ONESTHAT SKI AND SHOOT.

>> Stephen: A BIATHLETE.

>> HE IS NOW.

>> Stephen: OKAY, GOOD, ALLRIGHT.

LET'S GET RIGHT TO IT I SENTYOU TO INVESTIGATE THE

RAMPANT GAY PROPAGANDIZING,WHAT YOU HAVE UNCOVERED.

>> WHY TELL WHEN I CAN SHOW.

>> Stephen: OKAY, GREAT,LET'S SEE THE REPORT.

>> CAN I SAY JIM TONIGHT?

>> Stephen: YOU CERTAINLYEARNED IT, JIM?

>> "THE COLBERT REPORT"PRESENTS A SPOR REPORT

EXCLUSIVE, FROM RUSSIA WITHLOVE.

>> NO GAY STUFF.

>> DOUBLE O 14.

>> WITH ME, BUDDY COLE.

>> I FINALLY ARRIVED INSOCHI RUSSIA FOR THE WINTER

OLYMPICS.

I JUST HAD TO FIND THEOLYMPICS, OR FOR THAT MATTER

WINTER.

HELLO?

WHERE'S WINTER?

I'M LOOKING FOR THE WINTEROLYMPICS.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE WINTEROLYMPICS ARE?

UPSTAIRS?

GOOD ENOUGH.

NOW WHILE I BELIEVE EVERYOCCASION CALLS FOR SHORT

SHORTS, I DECIDED THISASSIGNMENT REQUIRED GOING

NATIVE.

THE HUNT WAS ON.

>> I'M LOOKING FOR THEWINTER OLYMPICS.

WHERE ARE THEY?

>> OLYMPIC NOT HERE, OLYMPICIN --

>> OKAY.

I DIDN'T CATCH ALL OF THAT.

OR THAT.

>> OR THAT.

>> LUCKILY THESE OLYMPICELVES SHOWED ME THE WAY.

>> FINALLY I FOUND SOMETHING,AND GOT AS UP CLOSE AND

PERSONAL AS NBC WOULD ALLOW.

WELCOME TO THE OLYMPIC GAMES.

I CAN'T SEARCH OLYMPICVILLAGE FOR GAY PROPAGANDA

SO INSTEAD I SEARCHED THEOFFICIAL SOUVENIR SHOP AND

FOUND OLYMPIC FASHIONSREFRESHINGLY FREE OF

HOMOSEXUAL TASTE.

>> OH, EXCUSE ME.

>> WELL DONE, VLADIMIR PUTIN,THAT'S A GAY SUICIDE VEST.

YOU PUT THIS ON, YOU WANT TOKILL YOURSELF.

OH, A BEAR NOT WEARINGPANTS, NOTHING GAY ABOUT

THAT.

>> SATISFIED THAT NO GAYPEOPLE HAD EVER TOUCHED THIS

CLOTHING, I TOOK MY CRUSADETO THE STREETS.

>> THE MAYOR OF SOCHI SAYSTHERE ARE NO GAYS IN SOCHI.

WHERE AM I GOING TO FIND THEGAYS?

IS THAT TRUE?

>> NEXT QUESTION PLEASE.

>> THEY'RE GAY.

>> BUDDY COLE, NICE TO MEETYOU.

>> NICE TO MEET YOU TOO.

>> IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE MYGRINDER SAID YOU WERE 300

YARDS AWAY.

OH WELL, WE'RE TRYING TOSEEK OUT THE GAY PROPAGANDA

THREAT HERE IN RUSSIA.

HAVE YOU SEEN IT ANYWHERE?

THE GAY PROPAGANDA.

SO THERE'S NO GAY PROPAGANDATHREAT IN SOCHI.

>> NO, NO.

>> SO NO GAYS ON MAINSTREET.

I FIGURED THEY MUST ALLBE AT PUTIN'S FREE SPEECH

PROTEST.

>> HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUTTHESE PROTEST ZONES, WHERE

WOULD I FIND THESE PROTESTZONES.

>> PROTEST, WHAT IS PROTEST.

>> PROTESTS WHERE PEOPLE GONO, NO, I DON'T LIKE THAT,

DOWN WITH SOMETHING I DON'TUNDERSTAND.

>> WHICH WAY TO THE GAYPROTEST ZONE?

>>.

>>.

>> APPARENTLY THE OFFICIALFREE SPEECH PROTEST ZONE WAS

CONVENIENTLY LOCATED JUSTOUTSIDE OF SOCHI.

JUST DOWN THE HIGHWAY.

PAST THIS, THROUGH THISTUNNEL, AND THROUGH THE

MOUNTAINS.

9 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THEWALL, 99 BOTTLES OF BEER.

IT'S AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.

THE VIADUCT AND THEN TO THISKIND OF PLACE WHERE YOU

WOULD DUMP A BODY AND JUSTTHE BRISK HALF MILE WALK.

PAST THE POLICE STATIONUNDER THE FREEWAY.

THROUGH THE CONSTRUCTIONSITE.

PAST THE BARBED WIRE.

AND I HAD ARRIVED JUST A HOPSKIP AND 17 KILOMETERS FROM

SOCHI.

THIS WAS THE PROTEST ZONEWHERE NO ONE WAS PROTESTING.

SO I THOUGHT I MIGHT AS WELL.

>> I WANT A DRINK, I WANT ADRINK.

I WANT A DRINK.

>> IT WAS ALL GOINGSWIMMINGLY UNTIL I RAN OUT

OF VODKA.

AND THE POLICE SHOWED UP.

>> CAN I SIT ON THE BENCH,THIS IS A PROTEST ZONE.

>> GO SILT ON THE BENCH.

>> THIS IS THE PROTEST ZONE.

>> PLEASE.

>> I PROTEST.

>> STOP YELLING, OKAY, NOMORE YELLING.

>> NO YELLING.

WHY, IT IS A PROTEST ZONE,PEOPLE DON'T WHISPER IN A

PROTEST ZONE.

>> SO I FINISHED MY COCKTAILAND SAID HELLO TO THE

POLICE.

HE WAS A VERY NICE MAN INLEATHER JACKETS.

SEEN HERE ON THIS EXCLUSIVENERVOUS PRODUCER CAM.

THEY HAD COME TO TAKE USEWAY.

BUT MY PRODUCER EXPLAINED,PLEASE DON'T.

WHILE SHOOTING THIS FOOTAGEWITH A GO-PRO APPARENTLY

STRAPPED TO HIS CROTCH, TURNSOUT TO PROTEST THE RUSSIAN

GOVERNMENT YOU NEED AWRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE

RUSSIAN GOVERNMENT, OH NO.

AS A JOURNALIST AND MAN OFPRINCIPLES, I TOOK A

COURAGEOUS STAND AND GOT THEHELL OUT OF THERE.

>> Stephen: GREAT WORK,BUDDY.

BUDDY COLE, EVERYBODY.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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