CNN's Endless Wait for Flight 370 News

  • Aired:  05/01/14
  •  | Views: 69,426

CNN veers into absurd territory as correspondents brace themselves for an update on Malaysia Airlines Flight 370. (5:11)

>> Stephen: THANKS SO MUCH.

WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.

HOLD ON ONE SECOND, I WILLBE RIGHT WITH YOU IN JUST A

MINUTE.

I'VE GOT TO CHECK-- FOLKS,SORRY, I'M JUST CHECKING ON THE

LATEST UPDATE FROM THE CNNON THE SEARCH FOR MALAYSIAN

AIRLINES FLIGHT 370.

THEY ARE ANTICIPATING THERELEASE OF A LONG-AWAITED

MALAYSIAN GOVERNMENT REPORTON THE DISAPPEARANCE RIGHT

NOW, IT SHOULD BE COMING INANY MOMENT.

LET ME JUST CHECK EVERYPOSSIBLE SOURCE FOR THAT

STORY.

NO, OKAY.

UNTIL THEN I'M CONSTANTLYREFRESHING MY E-MAIL AND I'M

TOGGLING MY iPHONE IN ANDOUT OF AIRPLANE MODE AND OF

COURSE I'M STAYING GLUED TOTHE CNN.

>> WE'LL GIVE YOU THE LATEST.

>> THE LATEST IS WE KEEPCHECKING OUR PHONES AND

REFRESHING OUR E-MAILIN-BOXES TO SEE WHEN THIS

REPORT IS COMING IN.

WE'RE TOLD THIS REPORT WILLCOME TO US VIA E-MAIL

SOMETIME AROUND THIS TIME.

>> IT WILL BE COMING IN VIAE-MAIL.

WE'VE BEEN CONSTANTLYCHECKING OUR IN-BOXES,

LITERALLY WE ARE CLICKINGREFRESH SEVERAL TIMES A

MINUTE.

>> WE'RE WAITING ANDANTICIPATING THIS REPORT AS

WE'VE BEEN REPORTING, THEMALAYSIAN AUTHORITIES REPORT

IS EXPECTED ANY MINUTE NOW.

>> ANY MINUTE NOW.

>> ANY MINUTE NOW.

>> LIVE THERE IN KUALALUMPUR WATCHING HIS E-MAIL

AS WE ARE HERE.

>> WE HAVE TO WAIT TO GETTHE DETAILS BUT THERE ARE

SOME THINGS THAT WE CANEXPECT TO SEE.

>> YOU WANT THE REAL BASICS.

YOU WANT THE WHO-- THE WHENAND THE WHERE.

>> Stephen: OKAY, OKAY, LETME MAKE A NOTE, LET ME MAKE

A NOTE OF THAT.

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

I WANT TO THANK YOU FORTHOSE WORDS, OKAY, THAT YOU

SAID.

ALL RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, FOLKS-- (APPLAUSE)

I GOT TO SAY THAT CNN'SRICHARD QUEST IS THE PERFECT

NEWSMAN FOR THIS TRAGEDYBECAUSE HIS ACCENT MAKES ANY

REPORT SHAKESPEAREAN.

SPECIFICALLY THE TRAGEDY OFMacBETH BECAUSE IT'S A TALE

TOLD BY AN IDIOT FULLOF SOUND AND FURY SIGNIFYINGNOTHING.

YET, BUT LET'S REFRESH OURE-MAILS AND-- AND NOTHING,

OKAY.

SO LET'S CHECK IN ON ANOTHERSOURCE, THE MAGIC EIGHT BALL,

OKAY THERE IS DEFINITELYSOMETHING FLOATING IN

THERE, COULD BE THE DEBRIS.

LET'S CHECK.

AND, AND, AND-- OKAY, ASKAGAIN LATER.

WE WILL CHECK IN WITH THEEIGHT BALL LATER.

IN THE MEANTIME FOR ADIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE, LET'S

SACRIFICE TONIGHT'S NEWSCHICKEN, OKAY.

ALL RIGHT?

ALL RIGHT?

AND AND THEN I WILL READ ITSENTRAILS.

HEAR ME, HEAR ME OH PREHUMANPRIMORDIAL NETHERGODS.

OH, OH, OH HOLD ON, HOLD ON.

THE REPORT-- THE REPORT JUSTIS COMING IN.

HOLD ON.

WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE.

OKAY.

IT'S GOING TO BE A HOTSUMMER THERE WILL BE A BLOOD

RAIN AND OH MY GOD, THELAMBS WILL BE STILLBORN.

UNFORTUNATELY NOTHING IN HEREABOUT THE PLANE.

OH WAIT, WAIT THAT SOUNDMEANS CNN HAS FINALLY

RECEIVED THE MALAYSIANREPORT, YES, YES, JIMMY

LET'S GO LIVE.

>> THIS IS THE MOMENT WE'VEBEEN WAITING FOR.

THE MALAYSIAN AUTHORITIESHAVE RELEASED THEIR FIRST

REPORT ON WHAT HAS HAPPENED.

LET'S GET LIVE RIGHT AWAY TOKUALA LUMPUR.

WILL RIPLY IS THERE WITH THENEWS, WHAT DO WE KNOW, WILL

WORK DO YOU SEE?

>> THIS IS THE REPORT I HAVEIN MY HAND.

WE JUST PRINTED IT OUT AND IHAVE TO SAY AS I'M SCANNING

THROUGH IT BE, AS WE HAVEBEEN SAYING, THERE REALLY

ARE NO BIG SURPRISES HERE.

(LAUGHTER)>> Stephen: NO, NO BIG

SURPRISE THERE.

>> WE SHOULD PROBABLY LEAVETHIS STORY NOW BUT WE CAN'T

BECAUSE WE'RE STILL WAITINGFOR ONE MORE REPORT FROM OUR

CORRESPONDENT MR. GODOT WHOHAS PROMISED WILL HAVE SOME

ACTUAL NEWS ON -->> MR. COLBERT!

OFF WE GO AGAIN.

DO YOU HAVE A MESSAGE FROMMR. GODOT.

>> YES, SIR.

>> Stephen: HE WON'T BEREPORTING THIS EVENING.

>> NO, SIR.

>> Stephen: BUT HE'LL REPORTTOMORROW.

>> YES SIR.

>> Stephen: WITHOUT FAIL.

>> YES SIR(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: CHRIST HAVE

MERCY ON US.

I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANY MORE.

SHALL WE GO TO ANOTHERSTORY?

YES. LET'S GO.

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