MERS Virus in America

  • Aired:  05/21/14
  •  | Views: 16,031

A dangerous Middle Eastern virus finds its way to the U.S., and doctors urge people to avoid contact with camels. (5:09)

>> WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODYTHANK YOU SO MUCH.

NATION, I HAVE SOME BAD NEWS,WE ARE ON THE BRINK OF AN

EPIDEMIC. IF YOU'RE NOTWATCHING THIS SHOW RIGHT NOW

IT IS PROBABLY BECAUSEYOU'RE ALREADY DEAD.

A DANGEROUS NEW INFECTIOUSDISEASE IS SPREADING ACROSS

AMERICA, IT'S CALLED MERSAND IT'S ALREADY INFECTIONED

OUR TV NEWS.

>> THE MERS VIRUS THAT BROKEOUT IN THE MIDDLE EAST HAS

NOW FOR THE FIRST TIMESPREAD FROM ONE PERSON TO

ANOTHER IN THE UNITEDSTATES.

APPARENTLY THROUGH AHANDSHAKE.

>> THE SYMPTOMS INCLUDEFEVER, COUGH AND SHORTNESS

OF BREATH.

>> A CREEPING, CONTAGIOUSAND POTENTIALLY DEADLY

RESPIRATORY VIRUS HASREACHED THE U.S.

IT STANDS FOR MIDDLE EASTRESPIRATORY SYNDROME IT

STARTED IN THE SAUDIPENINSULA BUT HAS NOW SPREAD

AROUND THE GLOBE.

>> THAT'S RIGHT, MIDDLE EASTRESPIRATORY SYNDROME HAS

INFILTRATED AMERICAN LUNGS.

IT'S MICROSHARIA.

(LAUGHTER)OUR CELLS COULD BE THE

SLEEPER CELLS.

ACCORDING TO THE CDC,SYMPTOMS OF MERS INCLUDE

FEVER, COUGH AND SHORTNESSOF BREATH BUT ALSO WARN THAT

SOME PEOPLE INFECTED WITHMERS SHOW NO SYMPTOMS AT

ALL.

SHOWING NO SYMPTOMS COULD BEA SYMPTOM

SO IF YOU ARE FEELING GREATRIGHT NOW IT MAY BE TOO LATE.

(LAUGHTER)OF COURSE THE CDC CD-SAYS

THERE'S NO REASON TO PANICBECAUSE THERE HAVE ONLY BEEN

THREE KNOWN CASES OF MERS INTHE UNITED STATES.

BUT LOOK AT THE PERSON TOYOUR LEFT, THEN LOOK AT THE

PERSON ON YOUR RIGHT.

THERE'S THREE PEOPLE RIGHTTHERE AND ONE OF THEM IS

YOU.

AND WHILE SCIENCE MAY NOTKNOW HOW IT SPREADS, THEY

HAVE PINPOINTED THE ORIGINOF MIDDLE EAST RESPIRATORY

DISEASE.

AND ON THIS ONE SCIENCESOUNDS A LITTLE RACIST.

>> EXPERTS SAY IT MAYORIGINATE WITH CAMELS.

>> ABOUT TWO YEARS AGOPERSONS HAVING CLOSE CONTACT

WITH CAMELS EITHER INCARING FOR THE CAMELS OR IN

PARTICULAR CONSUMING CAMELPRODUCTS BEGIN TO DEVELOP

THIS INFECTION.

>> SAUDI ARABIA WARNS THOSEDEALING WITH CAMELS TO TAKE

PRECAUTIONS.

THE MINISTRY OF AGRICULTUREURGE PEOPLE WHO COME IN

CONTACT WITH CAMELS TOEXERCISE CAUTION AND FOLLOW

PREVENTIVE MEASURES.

>> Stephen: THEY'RE BLAMINGCAMELS.

NOW PEOPLE ARE GOING TOASSOCIATE JOE CAMEL WITH

RESPIRATORY DISEASE.

(LAUGHTER)AND FOLKS, I--

(APPLAUSE)>> I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO

IS UPSET HERE.

CAMEL OWNERS ALL OVER THEMIDDLE EAST ARE PROTESTING

THIS SLUR BY FLOODINGTWITTER WITH CAMEL-SMOOCHING

SELFIES LIKE THESE.

NOT TO MENTION ALL THEDISTURBING PHOTOS LIKE THESE

OF DRY HUMPING.

BUT NATION, I'M NOT TAKINGTHAT KIND OF RISK.

I'M AFRAID I HAVE TO BREAKUP WITH MY CAMEL CAMIE.

CAMIE, COME ON OUT HERE.

IT'S CAMIE "THE COLBERTREPORT" CAMEL, EVERYBODY.

(APPLAUSE)NOW CAMIE AND I, CAMIE AND I

MET AT A PARTY LAST YEAR, IFORGET WHEN T WAS SOMETIME

IN VERY, VERY LATE OCTOBER.

IT WAS THE SAME NIGHT I METMY GOOD FRIENDS BATMAN AND

SEXY PIRATE.

BUT WE HAVE BEEN INSPARABLEEVER SINCE.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, CAMIE.

YEAH.

WELL, GIRL, GIRL, I'M AFRAIDI'VE GOT SOME BAD NEWS.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO SIT DOWN.

(LAUGHTER)CAMIE, CAMIE, I'M AFRAID

THIS IS THE END.

IT'S NOT YOU, NO, CAMIE, IT'SNOT YOU.

IT'S ME BEING DEATHLY AFRAIDOF YOU.

(LAUGHTER)BUT DON'T YOU GIVE ME THAT

LOOK.

DON'T YOU GIVE ME THAT LOOK.

YOU KNOW THE ONE THAT'SALWAYS ON YOUR FACE BECAUSE

IT NEVER MOVES.

CAMIE THIS IS BOUND TOHAPPEN.

AND PLUS IT'S JUST COSTINGME TOO MUCH MONEY ANYWAY.

I DON'T KNOW WHY A CAMELNEEDS TO STAY AT THE RITZ

CARLTON.

IN TWO DIFFERENT ROOMS.

I GOTTA SAY FOR SOMEONE WHOHAS GOT A HUMPFUL OF WATER

YOU SURE GO THROUGH A LOT OFMINIBAR BOURBON.

IN FACT, CAMIE, I'M GOING TOHAVE TO ASK YOU FOR MY

CREDIT CARD BACK.

SO I GUESS THIS IS GOOD-BYE.

BUT CAMIE, BEFORE WE GO,MAYBE ONE LAST KISS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

NOW GO! GO BEFORE I CHANGE MYMIND.

CAMIE, WAIT.

I'M GOING TO NEED THE OTHERCREDIT CARD.

NOW GO ON, GET OUT OF HERE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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