U.S. Agriculture & Drought Disaster

  • Aired:  07/24/12
  •  | Views: 13,031

God installs a window unit, and farmers seek crops that can withstand the heat,like sun-dried tomatoes or raisins. (2:24)

OH WELL.

[ LAUGHTER ]

NATION, THIS IS AMERICA'S HOTTEST SUMMER ON RECORD,

ACCORDING TO CLIMATOLOGISTS AND YOUR HISTORIC CASE OF SWAMP ASS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

FOR MORE ON THE HEAT WAVE, WE GO TO COLBERT REPORT SENIOR METEOROLOGIST, STORMY NIMBUS,

LIVE VIA SATELLITE IN KANSAS.

STORMY?

[SCREAMING]

GREAT REPORT, STORMY. STAY HYDRATED.

[ LAUGHTER ]

LAST WEEK, THE NATIONAL CLIMATIC DATA CENTER REPORTED THAT THIS SCORCHER HAS CAUSED A DROUGHT

THAT RIVALS THOSE OF THE 1930'S DUST BOWL.

FOR THOSE WHO AREN'T FAMILIAR,

THE DUST BOWL WAS LIKE.

JOHN STEINBECK'S "THE GRAPES OF WRATH" -- ONLY LESS DRY AND EASIER TO GET THROUGH.

[ LAUGHTER ]

EVIDENTLY -- EVIDENTLY, FOLKS,

CAN I NOT KNOW.

THIS EVIDENTLY, AN ARID HELLSCAPE IS NOT OPTIMAL FOR AGRICULTURE.

FOR MORE, WE TURN TO ANOTHER BARREN WASTELAND: CABLE NEWS.

>> THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE HAS NAMED 1,000 COUNTIES IN 26 STATES, NATURAL

DISASTER AREAS DUE TO A SAVAGE DROUGHT THAT HAS BEEN DESTROYING CROPS FOR FARMERS AROUND THE COUNTRY.

>> THE DROUGHT IS ESPECIALLY HARD ON LIVESTOCK, MANY RANCHERS HAVING TO SELL OFF THEIR HERDS EARLY.

>> CROPS ARE WILTING AND THE GROUND BAKING AND FARMERS, THEY ARE PRAYING FOR RAIN.

>> Stephen: YES, FARMERS ARE PRAYING FOR RAIN.

BUT GOD CAN'T HEAR THEM, BECAUSE HE JUST INSTALLED A WINDOW UNIT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

OF COURSE, THE OBVIOUS ANSWER IS THAT FARMERS SHOULD SWITCH TO A CROP THAT CAN WITHSTAND THE HEAT.

GROW SUN DRIED TOMATOES OR RAISINS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BUT LAST WEEK, I SAW SOMETHING THAT CHILLED ME TO THE BONE.

WHICH WAS REFRESHING, BUT STILL TERRIFYING. ACCORDING TO THE

"USA TODAY" THIS DROUGHT COULD DRIVE UP DAIRY PRICES, AND QUOTE

"YOU'LL SEE LESS CHEESE ON PIZZAS AND IN SALAD BARS." NATION, THIS (bleep) JUST GOT REAL!

[ LAUGHTER ]

IT'S ONE THING FOR GLOBAL WARMING TO MAKE THE SEA LEVELS RISE, BUT NOBODY TOLD ME IT

COULD MAKE MY CHEESE LEVELS RECEDE!

[ LAUGHTER ]

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