U.N. Climate Change Report

  • Aired:  04/02/14
  •  | Views: 12,033

A U.N. study warns that climate change could destabilize human civilization, but Exxon Mobil accentuates the positive. (3:15)

>> Stephen: WELCOME, GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

THANK YOU.

[ APPLAUSE ]>> Stephen: ANYBODY OUT THERE

WHO KNOWS ME KNOWS THAT I'M A WELL KNOWN OUTDOORSMAN.

I'M OUT THERE TWICE A DAY.

AND OF COURSE, I LOVE MOTHER EARTH.

JUST LIKE THE WISE NATIVE AMERICANS WITH THE BUFFALO.

I BELIEVE THAT WE SHOULD EXPLOIT EVERY PART OF THE

PLANET.

THERE'S STILL A COUPLE OF ANIMALS I HAVEN'T WORN AS SHOE

YET. I'M JUST SAYING MEERKATSWOULD MAKE GREAT COMFORT

INSOLES.

BUT NOW THE GLOBAL WARMING WHINERS AT THE U.N. RELEASED A

REPORT THAT WILL RAISE THE URINE LEVELS IN YOUR PANTS.

DIRE WARNING. THE PREDICTIONTHAT CLIMATE CHANGE COULD

DESTABILIZE HUMAN SOCIETY.

>> A NEW UNITED NATIONS REPORT RAISED THE THREAT OF CLIMATE

CHANGE TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL.

>> SCIENTISTS SAY WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME.

>> FOOD AND WATER SHORTAGES.

FLOODS, DROUGHTS.

WILDFIRES AND CYCLONES.

>> DOGS AND CATS LIVING TOGETHERMASS HYSTERIA

THANK YOU, DOCTOR VENKMAN>> Stephen: THE REPORT CLAIMS

THAT THE PROBLEMS ARE SO BAD THEY ADDED A NEW LEVEL OF RISK

THEIR DANGER CHART.

THE HIGH COLOR BLAZING RED NOW GOES TO VERY HIGH COLOR

PURPLE.

OBVIOUSLY HIGH WASN'T ACTUALLY THAT HIGH.

SO WHY SHOULD WE BELIEVE THAT VERY HIGH IS HIGH.

CALL ME WHEN IT REACHES ULTRAVIOLET.

AND YES THE HUMAN EYE CAN'T SEE THAT.

BUT WE'RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION ANYWAY.

AND WE'RE NEVER GOING TO.

AT LEAST ACCORDING TO A MUCH MORE OPTIMISTIC STUDY PUT OUT

BY MY FAVORITE ENVIRONMENTAL GROUP, EXXON MOBIL.

IN A REPORT TO SHAREHOLDERS RELEASED THE

EXACT SAME DAY AS THE U.N. REPORT, EXXON ACKNOWLEDGED THE

NEED TO ADDRESS CLIMATE CHANGEBUT CONCLUDED THE GOVERNMENTS

ARE HIGHLY UNLIKELY TO ADOPT POLICY THAT IS CUT EMISSIONS.

EXXON KNOWS WHAT THEY'RE TALKINGABOUT, BECAUSE THE COMPANY

CONTRIBUTES $20 MILLION A YEAR TO THE AMERICAN PETROLEUM

INSTITUTE WHICH LOBBIES AGAINST CLIMATE CHANGE

LEGISLATION.

YOU SEE, THE GOVERNMENT IN ACTION INCREASES EXXON SHARE

PRICE.

EXXON THEN USES THAT MONEY TO INFLUENCE POLITICIANS.

IT'S A PHENOMENON CALLED THE GREEN HOUSE EFFECT.

[LAUGHTER] [APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: ALSO, THE GREENSENATE EFFECT. THEY SPREAD ITAROUND.

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