Blitzkrieg on Grinchitude - Festivus Pole in the Florida Capitol

  • Aired:  12/11/13
  •  | Views: 45,217

An atheist contributes to the holiday display in the Florida Capitol building by adding a six-foot Festivus pole made of beer cans. (4:28)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> WELCOME TO THE REPORT,

GOOD TO HAVE WITH US.

>> STEPHEN, STEPHEN,STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN,STEP EN!

>> Stephen: THANK YOU LADIESAND GENTLEMEN.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

FOLKS, LET'S GET RIGHT TOOUR TOP STORY TONIGHT.

I'VE GOT AN INCOMING NEWSFLASH.

I BELIEVE IN GOD.

AND FRANKLY, I HAVE HAD ITUP TO HERE WITH ATHEISTS,

THEY'RE SO SMUG ANDANNOYING.

AND IF THEY ARE CREATED INYOUR IMAGE, THEN YOU ARE A

JERK.

(LAUGHTER)>> BECAUSE THEY'RE ALWAYS

ATTACK OUR SACRED HOLIDAYS.

I MEAN BABY JESUS ASK IN SOMUCH DANGER THIS YEAR THAT

PROTECT HIS IDENTITY WE HAVETO CALL HIS BIRTHDAY X-MASS.

THIS IS THE BLITZKRIEG ONGRINCHITUDE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> FOLKS THE SECULAR

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> FOLKS THE SECULAR

PROGRESSIVES OUT THERE AREONCE AGAIN COMING AFTER OUR

CHRISTMAS DISPLAYS-- DISPLAYS.

I CAN'T EVEN PUT UP AREINDEER WITHOUT SOME GUY

TELLING ME TO GET OFF THEROOF OF TEMPLE BETH ELOHIM.

AND FOR THE LATEST ATTACK WEGO TO THE GRETCH WHO LOVED

CHRISTMAS.

>> REMEMBER THIS CLASSICSEINFELD MOMENT?

>> NO A NEARLY 6 FOOT TALLFESTIVUS POLL MADE OF

EMPTY BEER CANS ABOUT TO GOUP TO THE FLORIDA STATE

CAPITOL,.

>> THAT'S RIGHT, IN ADDITIONTO THE NATIVITY SCENE, THE

FLORIDA STATE CAPITOL HAS AFESTIVUS POLE, A MENORAH AND

A MONUMENT TO THE AZTECSNAKE GOODE GOVERNOR RICK

SCOTT.

SURELY, SURELY-- (APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: SURELY I AM NOTTHE ONLY ONE, I AM NOT THE

ONLY ONE WHO IS SO OUTRAGEDBY THIS.

>> I AM SO OUTRAGED BY THIS.

WHY DO I HAVE TO DRIVEAROUND WITH MY KIDS TO LOOK

FOR NATIVITY SCENES AND BELIKE OH, YEAH, KIDS, LOOK,

THERE'S BABY JESUS BEHINDTHEFESTIVUS POLE MADE OUT OF

BEER CANS.

IT'S NUTS.

AND I'M ALLERGIC.

>> YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TOLOOK THE A PILE OF BOTHER

CANS WHEN YOU'RE JUST TRYINGTO SHOW YOUR KIDS POSITIVE

IMAGES LIKE LEAVING A BABYOUTSIDE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE

WINTER.

BUT THAT WANE EVEN THE MOSTOUTRAGEOUS PART OF

GRETCHEN'S HOUR OF OUTRAGE.

>> WAIT A MINUTE,CHRISTIANITY STOLE THE

SEASON FROM THE SOLSTICE.

>> THAT A NEW HEADLINE FORME, THAT SOMEHOW CHRISTIANS

STOLE CHRISTMAS FROM THE -->> THAT IS RIDICULOUS.

WHAT IS NEXT, YOU'RE GOINGTO TELL ME THAT JESUS WAS

JEWISH, COME ON.

(LAUGHTER)FOLKS, I AM SO-- I WAS SO--

(APPLAUSE)I UNDERSTAND, THAT IS HOW

YOU KEEP JESUS ALIVE, YOUKEEP CLAPPING.

I WAS SO ENRAGED BY THISCLAIM THAT I DID SOMETHING

I'M NOT PROUD OF, RESEARCH.

IT TURNAL-- IT TURNS OUTOCCASIONALLY WE CHIST YENS

HAVE ABSORBED OTHER SEASONALTRADITION INTO OUR OWN.

FOR EXAMPLE, GIFT-GIVING WASDON'TED FROM A ROMAN

FESTIVAL.

CHRISTMAS TREES CAME FROMTHE ANCIENT EGYPTIAN CUSTOM

WORSHIPPING THE GOD RA WITHA PALM RUSH AND SANTA IS

BASED ON A WAR LORD CRINGEELS THE UNJOLLY WHO LAID

WASTE TO HIS ENEMIES IN COALFIRE.

HE NOSE LIKE A CHEREE FROMTHE BLOOD OF THE VANQUISHED

WHOSE BODIES HE BURIED.

SO I SAY, WE SHOULD STOPTHESE ATHEISTS BY ABSORBING

THEIR FESTIVUS TRADITIONLIKE SOME SORT OF YULETIDE

BORG.

IT WILL BE EASY, AFTER ALL,JESUS WAS THE ORIGINAL

CHEREE.

THINK ABOUT T HE WAS ASINGLE GUY, HANGING OUT WITH

A COUPLE OF GUYS.

AND ONE WOMAN.

AND HE'S ALWAYS FOILED BYHIS NEMESIS, HELLO, JUDDAS.

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