Tip/Wag - Scented Razors & Rick Scott's Approval Rating

  • Aired:  06/27/11
  •  | Views: 63,381

Schick's disposable men's razor smells like it just stepped out of the shower, and Florida Governor Rick Scott writes his own praises. (4:52)

BUT GAY MARRIAGE, YEAH, THAT'S

SICK.

(LAUGHTER)

NATION, I NEVER JUDGE A MAN

UNTIL I'VE WALKED A MILE IN HIS

UGLY, STUPID SHOES.

THIS IS TIP OF THE HAT, WAG OF

THE FINGER.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

FOLKS, I SPEND A LOT OF MY TIME

IN THE MORNING GROOMING.

I TRY TO BE QUIT ABOUT IT, BUT

THE GUY IN THE MIRROR KEEPS

COMING ON TO ME.

(LAUGHTER)

THAT'S WHY I'M GIVING A TIP OF

MY HAT TO THE NEW DISPOSABLE

RAISER TO MEN THE SCHICK EXTREME

STYLE REFRESH.

THIS AIN'T YOUR DADDY'S SCHICK

EXTREME THREE-FIFTHS STYLE.

THIS ONE HAS ADDED THE WORD

"REFRESH."

BECAUSE UNLIKE EVERY MEN'S RAY

OR THAT HAS EVER COME BEFORE IT,

THIS ONE HAS A SCENTED HANDLE

THAT BLENDS NOTES OF SPIR MINT,

CITRUS AND ROSEMARY AND EVOKES

HAVING JUST SHOWERED.

FINALLY YOU CAN SMELL SOMETHING

THAT SMELLS LIKE IT JUST

SHOWERED RIGHT AFTER YOU'VE JUST

SHOWERED.

(LAUGHTER)

AND I SAY IT IS ABOUT DAMN TIME!

I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW MANY

MORNINGS I STOOD IN MY BATHROOM

SMELLING MY SOAP, A SHAMPOO,

CONDITIONER, BODY WASH, BODY

SPRAY, FACIAL LOTION, SHAVING

CREAM, AFTERSHAVE, AND HAND

LOTION AND SAID "SOMETHING'S

MISSING."

(LAUGHTER)

AND THE PEOPLE OVER AT SCHICK

AGREE WITH ME, TELLING THE "NEW

YORK TIMES" THE RAZOR IS

PROBABLY THE ONLY THING LEFT IN

THE SHOWER THAT'S NOT SCENTED.

BRAVO, GENTLEMEN.

NOW I CAN THROW AWAY MY PREVIOUS

SOLUTION-- SHAVING WITH A BOX

CUTTER DUCT TAPED TO A GLADE

PLUG IN.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

NEXT UP, FOLKS, I KEEP A CLOSE

EYE ON AMERICANS' REPUBLICAN

GOVERNORS.

THEY'RE LIKE MY CHILDREN, I

VALLS A FAVORITE.

BUT RIGHT NOW MY CURRENT

FAVORITE GOVERNOR IS FLORIDA'S

RICK SCOTT AND, FOLKS, HE IS IN

TROUBLE.

>> FLORIDA'S NEW REPUBLICAN

GOVERNOR RICK SCOTT IS TOXIC.

LOOK AT THIS.

HIS APPROVAL RATING IS 29%.

HE JUST GOT INTO OFFICE.

THAT'S ACCORDING TO A QUINNIPIAC

POLL.

29% FOR THE NEW GOVERNOR.

>> Stephen: 29% IS LOW.

HE'D PROBABLY BE DOING BETTER IF

HE WASN'T TRYING TO KILL HARRY

POTTER.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

WELL, FOLKS, THE CAMPAIGN

PROMISE, WHAT CAN HE DO?

IT WAS A CAMPAIGN PROMISE.

WELL, FOLKS, I AM NOT GIVING UP

ON GOVERNOR SCOTT.

IN FACT, I AM GOING TO BE

SENDING THIS LETTER OF SUPPORT

TO ALL THE MUNICIPALS IN

FLORIDA.

IT READS IN PART "DEAR EDITOR,

WHEN RICK SCOTT RAN FOR GOVERNOR

HE PROMISED TO CREATE JOBS AND

TURN OUR ECONOMY AROUND.

WHILE POLITICIANS USUALLY

DISAPPOINT US AND RARELY KEEP

THEIR PROMISES, RICK IS

REFRESHING BECAUSE HE'S KEEPING

HIS WORD.

RICK SCOTT DESERVES OUR

UNWAIVERING ENTHUSIASTIC

SUPPORT.

HOW CAN WE EXPECT TO ELECT

LEADERS WHO WILL KEEP THEIR WORD

AND DO WHAT'S RIGHT FOR OUR

STATE IF WE DON'T STAND UP FOR

THOSE WITH THE COURAGE TO SET

PRIORITIES, MAKE DIFFICULT

CHOICES, AND ACTUALLY DELIVER ON

THEIR PROMISES MADE?"

I'M SO PROUD OF THIS LETTER.

WHICH IS WHY I'M GIVING A TIP OF

MY HAT TO GOVERNOR RICK SCOTT

FOR WRITING IT.

(LAUGHTER)

YOU SEE, TO BOOST HIS POPULARITY

SCOTT COURAGEOUSLY POSTED THIS

PRE-WRITTEN LETTER OF PRAISE FOR

HIMSELF THAT HIS SUPPORTERS CAN

SIGN AND FORWARD TO FLORIDA

NEWSPAPERS.

(LAUGHTER)

NOW THOSE ANTI-GOVERNMENT TEA

PARTIERS WHO ELECTED RICK SCOTT

CAN HAVE THE GOVERNMENT WRITE

THEIR LETTERS FOR THEM.

WELL, FOLKS, I WANT TO PRAISE

RICK SCOTT'S PRAISE OF RICK

SCOTT SO I AM POSTING A

PRE-WRITTEN LETTER ON

COLBERTNATION.COM FOR YOU TO

PRINT OUT, SIGN, AND SEND TO

FLORIDA NEWSPAPERS.

DON'T WORRY, I'M NOT PUTTING

WORDS IN YOUR MOUTH.

I HAVE LEFT BLANK SPACES SO YOU

CAN FILL IN YOUR REAL OPINIONS

OF GOVERNOR SCOTT.

IT READS "DEAR EDITOR, IT IS MY

STRONG BELIEF THAT RICK SCOTT IS

A (ADJECTIVE)

GOVERNOR."

(LAUGHTER)

"HIS LETTER PRAISING HIMSELF

MAKES ME WANT TO (VERB)

UP.

I (ADVERB, VERB)

THIS GREAT NATION AND EVERYONE

SHOULD (ACTION VERB)

RICK SCOTT WITH A (NOUN)

FOR AN (INTERJECTION)

FULL BODY SHAVE LIKE A NAKED

HOME RAT.

SINCERELY (NAME, CITY)

" AND I'M SURE THE GOVERNOR WILL

APPRECIATE YOU SENDING THESE

LETTERS AND I'M

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