Wheat Thins Sponsortunity

  • Aired:  02/23/12
  •  | Views: 209,260

While Wheat Thins is a snack for anyone actively seeking experiences, those experiences should not include eating 17 crackers in one sitting. (6:49)

>> WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY,

THANKS SO MUCH, FOLKS,

REVIEWERS OF THIS SHOW KNOW

THAT A COUPLE OF TIMES A

YEAR THE NETWORK SOMETIMES

ASKS ME TO DO AN INTEGRATED

SPONSORSHIP WHICH I LOVE.

THE MONEY'S GREEN AND I'M

IN.

THESE SPONSOR-TUNITIES HAVE

LEAD TO SOME OF OUR MOST

MEMORABLE SEGMENTS FROM THE

HAIL TO THE CHEESE STEVEN

COLBERT'S NACHO CHEESE

DORITOES 2008 PRESIDENTIAL

CAMPAIGN COVERAGE TO LAST

WEAK'S SYRIAN ATROCITY

UPDATE BROUGHT TO YOU BY

FRUIT ROLLUPS.

FRUIT ROLLUP, OVERTHROW YOUR

TASTE BUDS.

NOW A LITTLE BROUGHT TO YOU

BY CEDE SIT USUALLY IT.

BUT TONIGHT, WE HAVE A

PRODUCT SO IMPORTANT,

BECAUSE TONIGHT IT'S WHEAT

THINS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

WHEAT THINS, CRUNCH IS

CALLING.

AND THE CALL IS COMING FROM

INSIDE YOUR MOUTH.

GET OUT OF THERE.

NOW I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE

THINKING.

YOU'RE THINKING STEPHEN, HOW

IMPORTANT COULD WHEAT THINS

BE.

YES.

I USED TO THINK THAT WAY TOO.

UNTIL I RECEIVED THIS ACTUAL

MEMO FROM WHEAT THINS.

DETAILING FOR MY SPONSORSHIP

PURPOSES WHAT THE ROLE OF

WHEAT THINS IS IN OUR LIVES.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,

YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHEAT

THINS.

WLOOEP [BLEEP] YOU.

[BLEEP] YOU AND THE CRACKER

YOU RODE IN ON.

OKAY.

NOW LISTEN UP.

NOW SHUT UP!

LISTEN UP.

IF YOU'VE GOT SOME WHEAT

THINS AT HOME AND I HOPE YOU

DO, GO GET THEM.

IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANY GO BUY

SOME.

I'LL WAIT.

ARE THEY GONE?

>> GOOD BECAUSE I'M NOT

WAITING FOR ANYONE.

WHO DIDN'T ALREADY HAVE

WHEAT THINS.

NOW THE TEAM AT NAB IS COHAS

BROKEN-- NAB ISCO HAS BROKEN

DOWN THE CORE MESSAGE INTO

TWO DISTINCT CATEGORY, WHAT

IS THE ROLE OF THE BRAND AND

WHAT'S NOT THE ROLE OF THE

BRAND.

BULLET POINT ONE.

WHEAT THINS ARE THE PERFECT

SNACKING SIDE KICK WHENEVER,

WHEREVER, AND FOR WHATEVER.

OKAY.

WHAT'S IT GO WITH.

CHEESE, YES.

HUMMUS, SURE.

A DISCARDED STRIP OF TRUCK

TIRE, IT REQUEST HANDLE IT.

-- IT CAN HANDLE IT.

NOW I WOULD LOVE TO POUR

THIS WHOLE BOX IN MY MOUTH

RIGHT NOW.

BUT THE MEMO CLEARLY STATES

THAT WE CAN'T SHOW

OVERCONSUMPTION THAT IS A

BRAND DON'T.

A SERVING SIZE FOR WHEAT

THINS IS 16 CRACKERS.

SO AS DELICIOUS AS THEY ARE,

I SHOULDN'T EAT MORE THAN 16

AND ALSO IF THEY ARE SHOWN

OUT OF THE BOX LIKE IN A

BOWL, THERE SHOULD ONLY BE A

MAX OF 16.

SO REMEMBER, EVERYONE, WHILE

WHEAT THINS IS, QUOTE, A

SNACK FOR ANYONE WHO IS

ACTIVELY SEEKING EXPERIENCES,

THOSE EXPERIENCES DO NOT

INCLUDE THE EXPERIENCE OF

EATING 17 CRACKERS.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

THAT IS THE WAY, THAT IS THE

WAY IT SHOULD BE.

BECAUSE WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT

IT, AND THEY HAVE, 16 IS THE

PERFECT NUMBER OF WHEAT

THINS TO KEEP YOU ON THE

PATH TO AND PROUD OF DOING

WHAT YOU LOVE TO DO NO

MATTER WHAT THAT IS.

NO MATTER WHAT.

DRIVING KIDS TO PRACTICE.

WATCHING A MOVIE.

ARSON.

NO JUDGEMENT.

BECAUSE WHEAT THINS ARE NOT

A CREATOR OF ISOLATED,

UNSHAREABLE EXPERIENCES.

THEY ARE A CONNECTOR OF

LIKE-MINDED PEOPLE

ENCOURAGING SHARING.

PERFECT FOR A PARTY.

SO JUST GET OUT.

JUST GET OUT.

JUST GET OUT THE BIG BOWL,

OKAY.

AND JUST FILL IT TO THE BRIM

WITH 16 WHEAT THINS.

(LAUGHTER)

OKAY, THERE YOU GO.

16 WHEAT THINS.

AND YOU, AND 16 OF YOUR

FRIENDS ARE SET FOR THE

NIGHT.

AND FOLKS DON'T LISTEN TO

THE HATERS.

WHEAT THINS ARE NOT AN

EXCLUSIVE OR EXCLUSIONARY

BRAND.

JUST GET IN HERE.

NOW I WANT TO REITERATE, I

DO NOT SAY THIS TOO MANY

TIMES, THIS IS AN ACTUAL

MEMO FROM WHEAT THINS THAT I

RECEIVED.

I WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU

UNDERSTOOD THAT BEFORE I

INFORMED YOU THAT WHEAT

THINS ARE NOT A CRUSADER OR

REBEL LOOKING TO CHANGE

INDIVIDUAL PATHS OR THE

WORLD.

NO!

THAT'S THOSE OUTSIDE

AGITATORS OVER AT CHEESE

NIPS.

YOU CAN'T TRUST THEM.

THEY'RE LIABLE TO START A RI

OT OUT THERE SHOWING

EVERYBODY THEIR NIPS.

ANYWAY, ANYWAY, FOLKS, NOW

THAT I UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH

PHILOSOPHY IS PACKED IN TO

EVERY 100% WHOLE GRAIN

SQUARE, I GOT TO HAVE ME

SOME.

16, OKAY.

HERE WE GO.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

OH, YEAH.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

IN FEELS RIGHT.

WHAT I STILL WANT MORE?

WHAT DO YOU SAY, SHOULD I GO

FOR 17?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGISE TO

WHEAT THINS, AND ITS ENTIRE

NABISCO FAMILY OF SNACKABLE

PRODUCTS.

I THOUGHT THAT I WAS

BUILDING A PURPOSEFUL

EXPERIENCE RELEVANT TO THE

BRAND BUT I SEE NOW THAT I

WAS BEING A CRUSADER AND OR

A REBEL.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THAT'S IT FOR WHEAT THINS.

JOIN ME NEXT TIME WHEN I

WILL READ A MEMO FROM

SOMEONE ELSE WHO GAVE ME

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